Friday, November 07, 2008

Bad News:(

Yesterday I had an appointment with my oncologist/hematologist, after my blood work they put me in a room to wait for Dr. Cripe, and his nurse Katie. (I saw Katie in the waiting room before my appointment, and she came over to give me a hug). When Dr. Cripe came into the room he commented on how good I looked, and Katie also said that I looked really good (they tricked me with these comments) Then Dr. Cripe asked me how I was feeling? I told him that I felt real good, just keeping general conversation up. He and Katie both sat down (RED FLAG) and he said to me, “I want to show you these blood counts.” (RED FLAG) I looked down at the chart (it’s a chart of all of my blood work in chronological order) all of my counts were up UNTIL 11/6/08; currently my WBC is 3.1, my RBC is 3.8, and my platelet count is 83. I just nodded like I already knew this was coming.

He looked me straight in the eye and told me that he didn’t like what he was seeing. “This is very worrisome.” Was one of the quotes, and “We’re very, very, very concerned” was the other. He wants me to come back in two weeks to see if my counts come back up, if not then I will have to have another Bone Marrow Biopsy to see if the Leukemia is back. (Unfortunately I already know the answer to that question.) I went on to tell Dr. Cripe about finding the pinhead bleeds on my stomach, and gums last month, and that I almost passed out walking around the block the night before (several times). So I’ll go back on November 24th for my follow up blood work, and most likely a bone marrow biopsy, and then I’ll have to start back over from square one… By the way this was the appointment that he was supposed to tell me that I could start coming to see him every 4 months.

Of all days to leave out of the house without my cell phone… My husband was sleeping; my kids were at school, so I stopped by my mother’s house on my way home to kind of get that conversation out of the way. She wanted to know why I was there at 2:30 in the afternoon; I told her that I had a half a day because I had a Doctors appointment. Then she asked, “What’s wrong, what did they say.” I said, “Well, it wasn’t good.” And then went into the whole conversation with her. An hour or so later I left and went home to tell my husband. That did not go over well at all. He instantly started crying, his mother just passed two years ago from cancer. So I know that’s what he thinks of when he hears the words recurrence.

I’ve made my peace with it.

If it is, it is, and I will deal with it. I will try to make this experience (not a pleasant one) but not a horrible one for my family’s sake. At least going into this I kind of know what to expect. If you take the unknown out of the equation it’s not as scary. I’m not saying that I know exactly what’s going to happen, but I’ve been through this once before, so I know what to expect for the most part.

One things for sure, once I start treatment again. I will not be going back to work anytime soon. I will file for disability this time, and give my body time to heal. That way if I do get better I would have done something good for myself, but if I don’t get better I’ll have that much more time to spend with my children.

So that’s where I’m at today… I’ll know more in two weeks, and I’ll let you know when I know.


BaldyLocks said...

Oh no. I'm stunned. I don't know what to say, but I'll be keeping my fingers crossed and will be praying for you.

I'm so glad you came by to tell me.

Irish Eyes said...

I will be praying for you. I am so sorry you have to go through this again. I am a little familiar with the L word.. my oldest son's fiancee has been dealing with it since she was 14 He loves her beyond all measure, and she is still going strong at 22. She's had cancer come back a few times too, and also has TTP. I know your family will be behind you and support you all they can, and.. if it makes any difference.. many hearts and one family in CA. will be praying for you. Much love -sharon

Rooster said...

Hang in there, you know your body better than anyone else (what you can handle what you cannot) Enjoy everyday as best you can when you can, for we could all be gone tomorrow. You will be in my thoughts as you are not alone in you fight.


Susan C said...

Dang, I'm so very sorry to hear this news. I've been a bit worried ever since you first described the same symptoms you shared with your doctor.

I know you will meet the challenge, whatever it turns out to be.

BaldyLocks said...

Just popping in to let you know I've been thinking about you.

Mom and Terry said...

Last night Terry and I were talking. Even if we have to put all of our stuff into storage and move in with you for a year or so, you and your family WILL be taken care of. He was saying, that we need to be there so you don't have to worry about anything except getting better. It's a thought, and none of us will have to worry about money problems, because we could pitch in and help. As I said it's a thought.
We love you all,

Duane said...

WOW. I'm stunned, dumbfounded. . . .

It seems like there are still a lot of unknowns about the path forward, which means that while the road ahead is uncertain, hope and opportunity do remain. So, don't give up yet. Let's see what the doc says in two weeks.

Thinking about you. :)

militia207 said...

my prayers are with you.... i was re-diagnosed in September 2008 and am currently spending so far 3 weeks of isolation at the hospital of the university of pennsylvania for uncontrollable blood levels.


Doug said...

My thoughts are with you. I know the feeling only too well.

I really understand it when you say you've made peace with it. I've done the same thing in my own case to the extent that it seems to be harder on my loved ones. Funny about that.

Your mom sounds great (her comment above). You are truly loved and blessed.


Ronni Gordon said...

I am very sorry to hear that you are going through this. But it sounds like you are surrounded by a lot of love and also you sound like you have a great team of doctors. I relapsed and went through the whole thing again and it wasn't as bad as the first time. Lots of people relapse and end up fine. And you don't know for sure if it is a relapse...

BaldyLocks said...

hi. It's me again...stalking you. What a kind and loving comment from your mom.

I hope you are doing okay today.