Thursday, July 31, 2008

Dreams...

Okay, so I have been going back & forth on wither or not I was going to blog about this, but I thought maybe someone might have and opinion or insight on why I had this dream to begin with.

Over the Fourth of July weekend at Rick’s aunts house I had a dream one night, when I woke up I was completely freaked out, once you read it I’m sure you’ll understand why. Rick’s uncle Charlie committed suicide a few months back, I know that had been on my mind and in my heart lately.

I didn’t want to tell Rick about it, so after we made it home I wrote it down so that he could read it, of course he was just as freaked out about it as I was. But then that same night Breanna found a marker grabbed a piece of paper and drew the picture at the bottom of this post. Again, completely freaking us out, Rick turned to me and asked me if I had told her about the dream, which of course I hadn’t.

So anyways here is what I dreamt, and the picture Breanna drew. You tell me what you get from this???

I dreamt that I was lying on a hill, green grass everywhere, there was a clear blue sky, and the sun was shining bright, and from a distance was a pond down a big hill. From the hill I saw Uncle Charlie walking towards me with two young girls one on each side of him when he got to me the girls fell away (they looked familiar, but I couldn’t make out who they were) he said, “Hey baby.” and then hugged me. When he pulled away it wasn’t him any longer he had changed into Breanna, I said, “Oh baby, you’re an Angel” (almost in tears) and knelt down beside her. She said in a typical childlike tone, “They don’t call us Angels where I’m from, mom.” I was upset at seeing her knowing that she/Uncle Charlie had killed himself. And she looked at me and said, “I met Jesus mom, he took me by the hand and made me whole again. Then Jesus took me for a walk and showed me all of heaven.” I felt her chest and there was no gunshot wound and I just pulled her close to me and cried, and sobbed… Then I woke up crying.

Cancer Update: I went in for my quarterly blood draw today, they weighed me and took me back to a room, took my temperature (which was up), and took my blood pressure (which was also up). Then the doctor came in and sat down, and he asked me how I’ve been feeling. I hate when he does that, because it always makes me feel like he knows something that I don’t. But then he said, “Oh, by the way your blood work was fine.” (Why couldn’t he just say that from the beginning?) He asked, “I bet you got nervous about the second month, didn’t you?” I said, “No, I’ve been coming every three months since last fall. I’m used to it by now.” Why do they have to say stuff to make you nervous? So then he made me get on the table where he looked me over and listened to my breathing, something he really doesn’t do anymore, so again I’m getting nervous!!! He told me a while back that he will feel better about my situation once I get a few more years under my belt. I know that with AML you can fall out of remission shortly after your treatment, and I have found quite a few people who made it up to 2-3 years and then had a relapse. So I’m already nervous enough, without him making little cracks like that.

1 comment:

The Patients Voice said...

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