Monday, June 30, 2008

New Memories...

This past weekend was pretty non-eventful, besides the usual grocery shopping, laundry, library, and just plain ole’ hanging out with the family; spotty thundershowers kept us inside for most of the weekend, but we managed to get out a few times.

I overheard Ricky and Breanna in a conversation where Ricky was trying to convince Breanna that we had done something awhile back, and then I heard Breanna say, “No we did not, remember mommy was sick, and we didn’t get to go.” Can I please say, I never wanted my illness to get in the way of my children’s happiness, and I will never again tell them that I am too sick to do anything with them. I do not want that to be their memory of me.

Yesterday afternoon it was raining, and Rick was playing Flat Out on the Play Station. Ricky was sitting in the chair with me, we were goofing off and he was laughing his head off, all of the sudden he grabbed himself and said uh-oh… I pushed him out of the chair and told him to hurry up as he ran to the bathroom. I had made him laugh so hard he almost pee’d his pants. Then he came back and we started playing around again, not ten minutes later the same thing happened.

Our puppy is housebroken, but now she wants to chew everything up. She keeps chewing up Breanna’s little stuffed animals. She has hand sewn noses, and eyes on her puppies/kitties and yesterday we even had to sew an entire head on their bulldog puppy. Anyway Breanna has taken to giving her stuffed animals baths because of the dog slobber, so for awhile yesterday afternoon I sat on the floor with her blow drying her stuffed animals (so their fur would be fluffy once again).

(These are the kind of memories I want my kids to have.)

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Dentist (UGGH)

Not a whole lot has been going on with me lately, just dealing with the stupid dentist/oral surgeon!! My jaw feels like it has a constant cramp in it, and my teeth are so hot/cold sensitive I can barely stand it. That has been my fear about going to see the dentist since my cancer treatment stopped, so much so that this has been the first time I have even seen a dentist in over two years. So now if anything is cold or hot I can barely eat or drink it, my bite feels off to the point if I eat something more solid than pudding I can hardly bite down (without tremendous pain), I had a wisdom tooth pulled last week and I keep pulling the stitches, I wake up every morning between 2-4 am in so much pain that I have to get up and take pain meds just to be able to go back to sleep. I think the dentist will be off of my list for a couple of years… Sorry about the rant but it has really taken over everything in my life recently, when I get home I’m ready to lay down, because I’m not getting any rest at night, and my stupid head hurts EVERY SINGLE NIGHT because of my STUPID TEETH!!! The dentist painted a solution on my teeth last night to “close the porous parts of my teeth” so they won’t be so hot/cold sensitive. Did it work?? Not even!!

We are going to see Rick’s family in Michigan over the 4th of July, just for a couple of days, but the time off is much needed. His sister is going with us this year, for the first time in eight years!! I’m sure a good time will be had by all, especially by all of those who drink (which I do not)!! So I get to watch them all make fools of themselves.

Khrystyne started a job this week; she is enjoying a little more independence. She’s right at that age where any minute she’ll be ready to go out on her own. I guess I’m a little excited and maybe a little scared for her as well. I guess everyone gets to that stage in their life at some point or another.

My sisters son made a comment about drugs in front of her, so she dragged his butt downtown and had him tested for drugs. Of course it came back positive, so starting Monday he will start an outpatient drug treatment program. He is 14 years old!!

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Poor kid...

Angel, Shelby, Courtney

My best friend’s daughter (Angel) fell off of her push scooter last week and broke both bones in her left forearm. She had surgery this past Monday to have two rods and one metal plate put in. I feel so sorry for her. Imagine being 13 years old and all of the sudden you need help doing even the most basic things, such as washing your hair etc… On Thursday after the swelling goes down from her surgery, she will have a cast put on from her knuckles just up to her armpit, just in time for summer vacation. She will have to deal with this pretty much up until school starts back up. They live 5 minutes from the beach, and they have a pool in their community, and she can’t swim all summer long. For a kid that really has to suck…

I’m having a wisdom tooth removed on Friday; let me tell you it hurts soooo bad. I’ve had issues with it for about two weeks, and tomorrow (the day before the surgery) I can’t take Ibuprofen, Tylenol or anything, I don’t know how I’m going to make it. Rick is taking off of work to take me up there and kind of take care of me all day, which I plan on sleeping it off, if nothing else at least I have great drugs from having cancer (which I hardly ever use, but for this I will make an acceptation) I hate going to the dentist… with a passion!!

Khrystyne has found a job, she will start this week, and it is perfect it’s right down the street (within walking distance) so if we’re not home she can hoof it!! She is pretty excited about starting the next phase of her life, we have decided to let her drop out of school (she would be starting her senior year with 17 credits out of 41), but she will be enrolling in the local GED program this fall instead. It is not what I had in mind for her when she was little, but for her I think this is the right choice. She has dealt with learning disabilities since before she started school, and has struggled all the way. She seems much happier that we have agreed to let her do this, and excited to be getting on with it.

I still haven’t spoken with my sister, every time I think about what she said I still get furious!! I know at some point I will have to deal with it, but not today…

Please stop by Why Mommy and offer some support, she just had bone scans done they think her cancer may have metastasized. I guess that’s why we are all here to share our stories, and to offer support when we can.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Are you ever anxious?

Sometimes I can’t help but wonder; will I make it to five years without having a relapse? Will I even be alive 10 years from now? I know that these fears are normal for any cancer survivor, but sometimes they keep me up at night. How would my family handle it? Would Rick ever remarry? Would my kids HATE their new step-mother, or would they just forget about me? These are all questions that sometimes fill my mind, I wish that I wouldn’t have these thoughts but sometimes I just can’t help it.

Cancer is a scary situation; it puts a lot of the unknowns (that have always been there) and shoves them right in your face. You have to deal with it on a much deeper level than most people who are going through life acting like there will always be a tomorrow. When people who have had cancer or a heart disease or whatever the case may be, know when they wake up in the morning they have been truly blessed with another day that was never promised to them in the first place.

Every time we celebrate a birthday, or an anniversary on one hand I’m elated that I have made it to just one more, but on the other hand in the back of my mind I wonder will this be the last one I’ll ever get to see?

Don’t get me wrong as far as I know I’m still healthy; I saw my oncologist back in April, and am due to see him again in July. But with each bruise that lingers a little too long, or with each new ache and pain you always wonder; is it back? Do I have a different type of cancer? When I took Chemo for my Leukemia, they told me that what they were giving me was a very strong toxin that would most likely cause another form of cancer 5-10 years down the road (most likely breast cancer). So it feels as if I’m constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. On one hand it “cured” my cancer, but what if it gives me something much worse in the future that I can’t beat? I don’t know, I guess I’m just trying to work these fears out, but I’ll tell you one thing for sure, I think I’m the youngest patient my hospitals sees for annual mammograms… I always get these looks from the other patients and sometimes even the nurses that I am in the WRONG section of the hospital.

I truly thank God that he has blessed me with an additional 2 ½ years that I honestly never thought that I would see. I just pray that my next 2 ½ years goes as well. And until that day when I hit my five year mark and my doctor proclaims me cancer free, I will wait patiently with much anticipation; hopefully able to put these fears to the back of my mind, and live life to the fullest. OH and HAVE A HUGE PARTY!!!! My family and I will deserve it after all that we have been through.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

You said WHAT??

Ricky Making his car

With the finished product

Water gun fight!!

June the 1st we had Ricky’s birthday party, which ended up in a huge water gun fight. Which the kids thought that was just a blast. We took Ricky to Ridemakerz to build his very own remote control, green Mustang, Monster Truck, with a big motor!! That is all he talked about for weeks, Rick tried to talk him into another car/truck, but Ricky wasn’t having that!! He knew what he wanted, and he was getting it. All in all he had a really good birthday.

This past weekend was the first weekend in MONTHS that we didn’t have Soccer games, or parties (birthday/graduation/baby showers) to go to. It was so nice just to hang out and do absolutely nothing. Most of the time I hate being lazy, but if I ever needed a weekend off this was it.

Me and my sister (Rachel) are currently not speaking, to make a couple of very LONG stories short she told my 17 year old daughter that she should have a boyfriend by now, and that she should be having sex otherwise she might as well be going out with girls!! Oh, and also she should be pregnant by now. (Note: the gay thing does not bother me I have a half sister who is gay) (The thing that bothers me is that my sister who is an “ADULT” told this to my seventeen year old daughter.) Then her son pipes up and asks Khrystyne, “Well are you a lesbian?” Khrystyne told him, “Not that it is any of your business, but no I am not.” Then she told Rachel, “Just because your kids are whores doesn’t mean that I have to be!” Go Khrystyne!! (P.S. Watch your mouth) this is one of those things that you are proud of your kids for standing up for themselves, but on the other hand you kind of cringe when you hear it.

I have a couple of blogs that I read both women are losing their battle with cancer, Please check out their blogs and offer some support. Thanks.