Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Just Thinking, and Reflecting...

I have to say a few things have been weighing on my mind lately. I’m not sure that I can put everything to words just yet, but I’m going to try.

When I was first diagnosed with cancer, besides being afraid that I was going to die, and leave my children without a mother, and my husband without a wife… the only other thing that I could think about was getting through my treatment as quickly as possible (try not to complain), and get back to normal as fast as I could. I don’t know, I kind of treated Cancer like a bump in the road of life, if you will. But it seems the faster that I try to get away from Cancer, the quicker it catches up to me. The truth be told my normal now, is nothing like my normal prior to cancer. I have bone and joint pain, and have recently been diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome,) and Rheumatoid Arthritis. So it feels as if I’m trying to go uphill and something rolls by and knocks me back down, over, and over, and over again. But I’m still trying, and I keep moving on, like I said I now have a new normal.

As more time goes by I find myself thinking about everything that has happened to me and my family these past two years, and I find myself wondering how on earth we found the courage and the strength to get through all of the things that kept getting hurled our way. But we are still here, still a family, and we all still love each other very much. So for that I have no right to complain, and actually I am very thankful for the lessons that Cancer has taught me. Enjoy every moment, and don’t sweat the small stuff!! That basically sums up my new outlook on life.

I am thankful that I was given more time to spend with my friends and family. Are there things that I still need to work on personally; yes, of course there is. But that could go for anyone, we constantly grow and change throughout life, lessons learned, that sort of thing. But all in all I’ve not done too bad, and I’m proud of my family, how well they handled me being sick, and how my extended family all worked together to make sure the kids were well cared for during my hospital stay (or should I say my multiple hospital stays, 9 weeks total.) My friends were another source of encouragement, and I realized how fortunate that I have been in my life to be surrounded by such great people.

The Lord has truly blessed me. Trust me I have not been a perfect Christian by any means, but I thank God all of the time for being with me, and never leaving me. Just this morning I found myself amazed at the sight of snowflakes, I can not tell you the last time I stopped long enough to really pay attention to something that small, but it was so beautiful and well worth the few minutes that I took out of my day to really pay attention.

This is not everything that I have been thinking about, but it’s a start.

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