Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Kid's can be so cute...

I came home from work last week and went upstairs to change out of my work clothes, and noticed my bed had already been made (Rick is the last one up and usually I have to make it when I get home) Ricky had followed me into the room and beamed up at me, “Mommy, I made your bed all by myself!” I said WOW you did a really good job; you didn’t have to do that. To which he replied, “I knew you and daddy would be really tired when you got home from work, so I wanted to help you.” Isn’t he so sweet? He will make a good husband someday.

Last night I went home early (we had training at work) and my back was killing me, so I greeted the kids and told them that I was going to lay down for a couple of hours and went upstairs. The two younger kids followed me up, and when I got to my bedroom

Ricky says, “(Yawn) I’m really tired to, can I lay down with you?”

Me: Sure, but you’ll have to lay on daddy’s side mommy’s back really hurts.

Ricky: Okay

Breanna: I didn’t have rest period at school today can I lay down with you too?

Me: Yeah, I guess.

Breanna: (Under her breath) I don’t really have rest period anymore.

So I put a movie in for them and I slept for about 1 ½ hours. My kids are so silly, but I love when they are little like that and want to be around you all of the time.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Just Thinking, and Reflecting...

I have to say a few things have been weighing on my mind lately. I’m not sure that I can put everything to words just yet, but I’m going to try.

When I was first diagnosed with cancer, besides being afraid that I was going to die, and leave my children without a mother, and my husband without a wife… the only other thing that I could think about was getting through my treatment as quickly as possible (try not to complain), and get back to normal as fast as I could. I don’t know, I kind of treated Cancer like a bump in the road of life, if you will. But it seems the faster that I try to get away from Cancer, the quicker it catches up to me. The truth be told my normal now, is nothing like my normal prior to cancer. I have bone and joint pain, and have recently been diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome,) and Rheumatoid Arthritis. So it feels as if I’m trying to go uphill and something rolls by and knocks me back down, over, and over, and over again. But I’m still trying, and I keep moving on, like I said I now have a new normal.

As more time goes by I find myself thinking about everything that has happened to me and my family these past two years, and I find myself wondering how on earth we found the courage and the strength to get through all of the things that kept getting hurled our way. But we are still here, still a family, and we all still love each other very much. So for that I have no right to complain, and actually I am very thankful for the lessons that Cancer has taught me. Enjoy every moment, and don’t sweat the small stuff!! That basically sums up my new outlook on life.

I am thankful that I was given more time to spend with my friends and family. Are there things that I still need to work on personally; yes, of course there is. But that could go for anyone, we constantly grow and change throughout life, lessons learned, that sort of thing. But all in all I’ve not done too bad, and I’m proud of my family, how well they handled me being sick, and how my extended family all worked together to make sure the kids were well cared for during my hospital stay (or should I say my multiple hospital stays, 9 weeks total.) My friends were another source of encouragement, and I realized how fortunate that I have been in my life to be surrounded by such great people.

The Lord has truly blessed me. Trust me I have not been a perfect Christian by any means, but I thank God all of the time for being with me, and never leaving me. Just this morning I found myself amazed at the sight of snowflakes, I can not tell you the last time I stopped long enough to really pay attention to something that small, but it was so beautiful and well worth the few minutes that I took out of my day to really pay attention.

This is not everything that I have been thinking about, but it’s a start.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Ricky & Breanna

Last night we made chicken fajitas for dinner, little Ricky usually does not eat what we make and settles for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. But Rick asked him if he wanted to try some big pepperoni’s (which was actually salami) and Ricky said yes, so he tried some and then he wanted some more. So we got him a plate out and gave him some more, then he asked for more when it was all said and done he ate almost ½ pound of salami. I finally told him that he was not eating pepperoni, that he was in fact eating salami. He screwed up his face like he didn’t like it. I said, “Don’t even try it, he kind of giggled and went back to eating his salami.”

Breanna was irritating her sisters all day yesterday; she kept going into their rooms just to hear them yell I’m sure. Khrystyne was trying to physically put Breanna out of her bedroom pulling on her but Breanna would not let go of Khrystyne’s blanket so Joslyn (Khrys’ friend) started pulling on the blanket. The next thing you know Breanna is screaming and has a mouth full of blood; they pulled her tooth out. Luckily that tooth had just come loose over the weekend; she wasn’t ready to have it pulled by any means, but at least it wasn’t a permanent one.

Friday, February 15, 2008

MTV's True Life Calls For Stories of Survivors Battling Insurance Hell

MTV's documentary series True Life is looking for young adults struggling to fight cancer without proper health coverage. The show is interested in following cancer patients and survivors who are without health insurance during treatment, and how they face the issues of expensive surgical procedures and treatment.

You can e-mail MTV with your story at

Be sure to link this to your blog...

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Ricky and the curse of the glasses...

I took my son to the eye doctors on Saturday, and of course he needs to wear glasses. So Ricky started out being a little excited about getting glasses, UNTIL he realized that he would have to wear them to school.

To which he responded, “I won’t wear them!”

I said, “You don’t have a choice, you have to wear them when you read.”

Ricky: I won’t have to wear them if I don’t take them to school!

Me: Well lucky for you, starting next week daddy has to go to work early and I will be putting you on the bus before I leave for work, so you will take them to school, and I’m going to email your teacher to make sure that you wear them!! (Which I’ve already sent her that email.)

As soon as we got home on Saturday Ricky’s friend Ericson came over and I overheard him say, “I have to get glasses because I can’t see very well. I know I’m going to look silly!!”

So yesterday the optometrist called to let me know that his glasses were in, so I left work a little early so that we could go pick them up. He let the employee fit the glasses to his face, and wore them out of the store. Two steps out of the doorway…

Ricky: Can I take my glasses off now?

Me: No, you need to wear them for awhile to get used to them.

Ricky: I’ve had them on for awhile now, Can I take them off?

(What am I going to do with this kid?)

This morning as soon as he got up he went downstairs and put his glasses on without being told, I left for work but then awhile later I was talking to my husband who said, “you know, he wore those glasses all morning until it was time to leave for the bus, and I noticed that he wasn’t wearing them, and I asked him where are your glasses bud?” to which he replied, “In my book bag.” Rick made him put them on and asked him if he was afraid that the kids would make fun of him. Ricky said, “Yes.” Then Breanna chimes in he looks like a NERD!!


What does Love mean?

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?" (Be sure to read the very last answer)

The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.
So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too.

That's love." Rebecca- age 8

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."
Billy - age 4

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."
Karl - age 5

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."
Chrissy - age 6

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
Terri - age 4

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
Danny - age 7

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"
Emily - age 8

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."
Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"
Nikka - age 6
(we need a few million
more Nikka's on this planet)

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."
Noelle - age 7

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after
they know each other so well."
Tommy - age 6

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."
Cindy - age 8

"My mommy loves me more than anybody You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."
Clare - age 6

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."
Elaine-age 5

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford." Chris - age 7

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day"
Mary Ann - age 4

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."
Lauren - age 4

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you."
(what an image)
Karen - age 7

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross."
Mark - age 6

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."
Jessica - age 8

And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge.

The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.
Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,
"Nothing, I just helped him cry"

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Different drug problem…

The following letter has appeared on the internet…

The other day, someone at a store in our town read that a Methamphetamine lab had been found in an old farmhouse in the adjoining county and he asked me a rhetorical question, “Why didn’t we have a drug problem when you and I were growing up?”

I replied, I had a drug problem when I was young: I was drug to church on Sunday morning. I was drug to church for weddings and funerals. I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter what the weather.

I was drug by me ears when I was disrespectful to adults. I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the preacher, or if I didn’t put forth my best effort in everything that was asked of me.

I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered a profanity. I was drug out to pull weeds in mom’s garden and flower beds and cockleburs out of dad’s fields. I was drug to the homes of family, friends and neighbors to help out some poor soul who had no one to mow the yard, repair the clothesline, or chop some firewood, and, if my mother had ever known that I took a single dime as a tip for this kindness, she would have drug me back to the woodshed.

Those drugs are still in my veins and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, or think. They are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin; and, if today’s children had this kind of drug problem, America would be a better place.

God bless the parents who drugged us.

Friday, February 08, 2008

More on my cousin and his daughter.

Okay, so as the days go on more and more information is coming to light as to what happened to my cousin and his daughter. Without saying too much because the police have agreed to reopen the investigation into what really happened. It looks as if it they could have both been murdered, we did find out that she was not shot, she had been strangled, and he was shot with a riffle behind his right ear (he was left handed), without giving anything extra away that is all I’m going to say on that. It doesn’t bring them back by any means but knowing that there is a HUGE possibility that he did not do this makes our family feel so much better.

Her funeral was very hard, it was my step-dads birthday and this was the first child’s funeral that he had ever been to. Everyone was civil, and tried to get through things the best that they could. You can bet that there was not a dry eye in the whole place. It was so sad.

Not as many people showed up at his, but a lot of people were still under the assumption that he had killed her. But everyone that knew and loved Dwayne showed up so that is what is important.

His mom, dad, and brother took him back to Tennessee to bury him next to his brother Jeffery he died in a car accident just after high school graduation a few years ago. Dwayne and Jordan were killed on his only living brother’s birthday. So this past week has been especially hard on all of them.

Friday, February 01, 2008


Well so much for me hoping for a peaceful evening. I got home Wednesday evening, hung out with the kids for awhile and got them off to bed. I usually hang out downstairs until Rick gets home at night, and I had just started dozing in and out when the phone rang… My mom was at the other end and she jumped right into her story, I stopped her and told her to start over that I didn’t understand what she was saying. She said that (my cousin) Dwayne had killed his daughter Jordan (Boogie) and then he killed himself. Of course to say the very least that woke me right up, I said, “What do you mean, he killed Boogie? What are you saying?” She went on to tell me that two weeks ago Jordan came home and told her dad that, “Mommy took me to her boyfriends house and they were hugging and kissing like you and mommy do.” So he confronted his wife about the affair, and she admitted it and told him that she wanted a divorce, and full custody of Jordan. He has been trying to talk her into going marriage counseling, or to at the very least to give him joint custody of Jordan. I guess Wednesday she was supposed to let him know if she would agree to marriage counseling or if she just wanted to get a divorce. He went home early from work, and I guess she told him that she wanted a divorce and that she was going to take Jordan and move into her boyfriends house, they got into an argument and then she left around 3:00 pm. Somewhere between 4-4:30 Jordan got home from school and by 5pm Ginger, her mother and Ginger’s two other children came home. Mom told me that Johnny (her son) came running out of the bedroom yelling call 911 it’s really, really bad. (He is partially mentally handicapped so he probably didn’t understand fully what had happened). Dwayne had shot Jordan with a riffle, and then turned the gun on himself.

Today I am still in disbelief; I would have never guessed that he would have been someone to do something like this in a million years. He loved that baby; he was always hugging her and kissing her, ruffling her hair. And anytime that he spoke about her he would grin from ear to ear. What could have possibly been going through his head, for him to point a gun at his child (someone that he loved sooo much) and then kill her? You can’t help but to think what that poor baby had to have been thinking at that moment when her father was pointing a riffle at her?

After I hung up from my mother I called Rick, and he said I’ll be home in a few minutes. He was home in like seven minutes; he works all the way across town. He was trying to be strong for me, but every few minutes he was wiping away tears as well. Dwayne was his friend; he really was a good man. All you had to do was just mention that something was coming up and he would volunteer to help out. Dwayne was a little slow mentally, he had learning disabilities, but he was always in a good mood, always joking and laughing. We just don’t understand what happened… WHY?

My mother had seen something on the previews for the news that there was a murder on Fletcher Ave., she told her husband Terry, “That’s close to where Dwayne and Ginger live.” Terry said, “You know, Dwayne was supposed to be here already.” So they started calling him with no answer, which was unusual. So they jumped into their car and went over there. And their house was the one already taped off by police. There were news crews set up, and my mom asked them what was going on? One of the reporters said that the man in the house had killed his 8 year old son, and then killed himself. My mom said, “SON?” “She’s a girl, not a boy.” I guess they had been told the name Jordan and assumed that she was a boy. So then they ran home and called Terry’s sister Donna in Tennessee (Dwayne’s mother) and told her over the phone that her son and granddaughter were dead. She had just lost her youngest son a few years ago, he had just turned 18 and was driving home late at night and drove off of the side of a mountain. As they were telling Donna about Dwayne, her oldest son Jeremy had just come into her house because it was his birthday, and his mother had to tell him that his brother and niece were both dead.

So Donna, Dwayne and Jeremy are all on their way here to make arraignments for Dwayne. And we are all here just wondering why? We have a large family, why didn’t he ask for help? Why did he have to kill that little girl? Because I’ll tell you one thing NO ONE saw this coming!!! NO ONE!!

Now here’s part of the story that didn’t make it into the news. Ginger told her son Johnny that he needed to find a job and find somewhere else to live. (He has just turned 18, but is still in high school and mentally handicapped) and Ginger has been trying to talk her 16 year old daughter Kayla to move in with her boyfriend, but she didn’t want to, so Ginger was talking to Kayla’s boyfriend trying to get him to talk Kayla into moving in with him. So that all she had when she moved into her boyfriend’s house was Jordan. I guess Dwayne told Jordan’s babysitter that it would happen over his dead body. Of course she was on the news and said that she never thought that he’d meant it literally. To me that’s a figure of speech, who would have thought that he meant it that way?? I just hope that that poor woman doesn’t think that this was in some part her fault, because Lord knows it wasn’t.

Breanna and Jordan were the same age, my mom used to baby-sit for both of them, and they would stay the night at her house. Jordan was Breanna’s first friend. I just don’t have the heart to tell her. I know that I probably should, but I just can’t. Especially given the way she died, and at her own father’s hands. I just can’t do it.

I’ll update when I find out more.

Rest in Peace Jordan.

Rest in Peace Dwayne.

Lord please give us the strength to get though this.