Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Do Over...

I'd rather be here!!

I guess I’d better post… it’s been awhile. I called in sick on Monday, I had a really bad headache, by mid-afternoon my hip and leg started hurting so bad I could barley walk, and it kept me up most of the night. Last night we had a really terrible storm, and this morning at 7am one of my kids woke me up and said, “Mom did you set your alarm?” Of course I did but with the storm we must have lost power overnight. So I had to hurry and wake everyone up, and I had to drive the two older kids to high school they had already missed 1 ½ classes. I had to call my boss for the second time this week and let him know I was going to be an hour late. Then on my way in someone almost hit me on the interstate. CAN I HAVE A DO OVER FOR THIS WEEK? Nothing seems to be going right.

I’ve just been catching up on some of the Blogs that I read and Why Mommies margins have come back clean. Her link is on the right side of my blog (for some reason I haven’t been able to add links to my posts). Megan unfortunately has lost her battle with cancer you can find her blog under Memoriam. Please check out Christian Love Stories as well Kristy has been having a rough time lately and could use some encouragement.

Hopefully the rest of the day will be uneventful, and tomorrow will be even better. Next week is going to be a pain, but I’m not going to dwell on that until then (appointments with the rheumatoid specialist and my oncologist) Hope you have a good one.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Heath Ledger

You know with the sad passing of Heath Ledger I have been thinking. What in my life would I have missed out on if I had died at such a young age, he was only 28 years old as all of you probably already know. I have kind of made some mental notes as to the things that I would have been cheated out of, so in no particular order here is a small list of things that have happened in my life since the age of 28…

1. Of course I turned the big 3-0
2. My son was born one month after I turned 30, and he has been such a blessing in my life.
3. If I had passed at 28 years old my daughter would only have been 1 years old at the time, and would never have remembered me at such a young age. My other two daughters were only 10 and 7.
4. I was diagnosed with Leukemia
5. My mother-in-law (Judy) passed away from cancer
6. I was able to be there for my husband and his mother the month up to her passing, and helped take the pressure off of their family during that terrible time.
7. I went on a trip to Las Vegas (just me & Rick) for our 10 year anniversary (we never had a honeymoon, and he was an instant dad when we married because I already had two children)
8. My best friend finally had a baby. (She’s named after me!!)
9. I’ve learnt the true meaning of a volunteer, and how important they really are.
10. I was made to realize very quickly if there were never people who donated blood, some of us would perish very quickly (I had over 60 blood transfusions during my cancer treatment)
11. I have been blessed with many days, sunrises, and sunsets. That I now hold a deep appreciation for.
12. I have found an inner strength within myself that I never really knew was there.
13. I have really loved my family, with all of my heart.

Now I can’t help but think what in his life he is going to miss out on. #1, I’m sure will be his daughter, his family, and friends. Who knows what else he could have accomplished. I truly feel bad for his family, and I hope that they will be granted peace during this difficult time.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Weekend madness

I finally conceded and joined Weight Watchers this past Saturday, after my treatment for cancer I was put on a steroid treatment plan and gained an enormous amount of weight (over 60 pounds) and of course I have not lost but 6-10 lbs on my own. So I finally admitted that I needed some help on this one. I’ll be 36 years old in April and I’m tired of being fat. Hopefully I will learn some things find some encouragement and get on with the business of living.

My mother called me Sunday night and asked if the kids could spend the night (due to the fact they were out of school on Monday). As is just so happens the older two girls already had plans and mom & dad got to spend one glorious night alone… It was nice, and QUIET. I told Rick what are we going to do one day when we are empty nesters it’s going to be too quiet… He said oh we’ll figure something out, by then you should be a grandma and we can borrow the grandkids anytime that you get lonely.

Khrystyne is finally getting back on track with her studies, (she was throwing around the old I’m almost 18, I’m going to move out and drop out of school line.) I finally talked her into at least getting her GED, and she was going for that but we kept working on her here and there until finally she realized that I would really benefit her to stay in school. Especially since she has a 3 centimeter tumor in her breast, if she is not a full time student when she turns 18 she will automatically be dropped from her dad’s insurance. Kids what the hell do they know?? (Which reminds me she is the exact age that I was when I got pregnant with her, What the Hell was I Thinking??)

Courtney has gotten herself back on track with her studies as well. She want’s to go to IUPUI and get a nursing degree from Purdue. She was goofing off too much the first semester this year, but has decided that she really wants this and she has been working really hard to get it. I’m proud of her. At 14 years old I didn’t have a clue what I wanted to do when I grew up.

When Christmas break was almost over Ricky tried and tried to talk me into letting him stay at home for school… I said. “What do you mean, do you want to be home schooled?” he said, “Yep, that’s it, I want to be home schooled.” I told him that was just too bad that daddy and I both worked and that he had to go to school, he then proceeded to pout around for several days. When the time came he went back to school, and that first night I asked him, “Did you have fun today? Did you get to play with all of your friends?” he excitedly told me all about his day. At which time I said, “See you really do like going to school.” He just gave me a very disgusted look, because he knew that I had beaten him at his own game!! HE IS IN KINDERGARTEN!!! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO??

Breanna keeps on puttin’ along; she draws pictures on everything, and has gone through several reams of computer paper. Her new favorite past time is agitating her brother and sisters. She is actually getting pretty good at it. Last night she made all three of them yell at her and tattle at the same time. That takes a lot of talent.

Please go check out Why Mommy (she is the first one under my Cancer Blogs) and leave her some supporting comments, she is having a double mastectomy today, and has two young children.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Thinking about cancer...

I’ve still been under the weather here lately. I didn’t even bother coming into work yesterday, I have a terrible cough (deep in my lungs) and my throat has been sore and swollen. This has been going on since mid-December. Hopefully it has just about ran its’ course. I wonder how long my immune system is supposed to be suppressed. My last chemo treatment was two years ago last week, and every time I get sick it doesn’t seem to want to let up. I’ve been taking vitamins and calcium pills, and seem to feel a little better but not much.

My induction chemo put me into remission the first month of my treatment in October 2005, but then I had follow up treatments through January 2006. Most stories that I have read have Leukemia patients falling out of remission either months after their initial treatment or around the three year mark which I am quickly coming upon. I try not to worry about my cancer coming back but sometimes I feel as if it might, maybe it’s normal for a cancer patient to think those kinds of thoughts. Although I really try to think positive, and I do try not to worry.

My next appointment is February 7th I really don’t have any doubts that everything is going to come back alright, but like I said I can feel something in my lungs, and it feels as if my lymph nodes are swollen in my neck. So I think I’m going to tell my doctor and see if he wants to run another cat scan it’s been about a year since my last one but I think that I would just feel better if I knew that everything was still ok.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

The Bucket List

Iguazu Falls

With the new movie The Bucket List (Morgan Freeman & Jack Nicholson) I was wondering what would be on my list when I was given the news that I was going to die. Being a Cancer Survivor I of course have already faced my mortality once before, but my main concern then was beating the cancer and making sure that I could be here for my children. But if I was given the news that I had six months to live with no possible cure what would I want to do? More like where would I go, and what would I see??

1. Hawaii (No question about it this is my #1 pick)
2. The Great Barrier Reef
3. Iguazu Falls
4. Machu Picchu
5. Great Wall of China
6. Australia
7. Amazon Rainforest
8. Mount Rushmore
9. The Grand Canyon
10. The Statue of Liberty

Of course I would like to visit all of those places with my family and enjoy seeing them happy one last time. Also I’ve always wanted to sky dive but when you become a parent you seem to not want to take that chance.

So what is it that you would want to see or do before your demise?

Friday, January 11, 2008

Insurance Rantings

I am so pissed right now!! Stupid insurance companies... I went to refill my daughter’s asthma medicine last night and it will cost me $186, I guess my husbands company changed the way their benefits are and you have to meet your $4500.00 deductible before the insurance kicks in, including doctor’s visits, dentist appointments the works... Only after you meet the $4500 deductible will the plan kick in 80/20. Why do we pay over $400 a month for this coverage?

So now we are talking about the possibility of Rick finding another job, so that he can lose his insurance and I can file for insurance through my work as a change of status. Rick almost quit the other day but I talked him out of it saying, “Don’t quit this is the best insurance we’ve ever had.” The insurance reps that explained the new benefits completely mis-represented the coverage, they made it out to be something that clearly it is not.

I called Breanna’s doctor’s office and told them that I was having problems with my insurance, and asked if they had a sample of her medicine until we could figure out what was going on. They had one sample Advair left that they are going to give to me. Ten minutes later we found out about our huge deductible…

Last night when I tried to fill the prescription and found out the price I called Caremark to see what the problem was. The first issue was everyone in our household had the third (III) behind their names (Which is only supposed to be behind Rick’s name). The second issue that they came across was our deductible was showing $99,999.99. She stated, “Clearly that’s wrong!” I said, “You THINK???”

I hate insurance companies...

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Happy New Year!!! (A week late)

Well we had a very restful time off last week; we had Christmas Eve Dinner at my house and minus some of the bad ass kids that came it really turned out pretty nice. Here’s a list of everything that I made:

Sauerkraut and Kielbasa
10 lbs of Mashed Potatoes
6lbs of Potato Salad
Turkey Gravy
Beef Gravy
Green Beans
Baked Beans
About 50 Peanut Butter cookies with a Hershey Kiss in the center
About 50 Snicker Doodles
Ooey Gooey Pumpkin Cake
2 Apple Pies

My mother brought Stuffed Cabbage, and Cole Slaw, and my cousin brought chocolate rum balls (they did not taste very good to me, because I don’t like the taste of liquor) That is about it, we may have had more but I just can’t recall at this moment. On the 23rd I started baking cookies, after midnight we went to bed, and then I was back up cooking at 5am. Let’s just say by the time everyone showed up I was already ready for them to leave. Everything that I made was from scratch minus the stuffing, Rick only likes Stove Top, I like the real thing but I’m not going to argue about it.

Christmas Day we went to his grandmother’s house for dinner, we didn’t stay as long as we did on Thanksgiving Day but the kids were ready to leave and I was still worn out from the day before.

Rick had to work for the next two days but on Friday we went out of town with the kids, we took them to the Wildwood Inn the kids had a blast and Ricky finally learned how to swim without arm floats. Then the next morning we got up and went to Newport, KY (to the small mall there by the Newport Aquarium) and we watched National Treasure it was a pretty good show no boring parts… which is a huge plus with 4 kids. Then we went to Dewey’s Pizza they have the best pizza we have ever had!!! Actually that is why we planned our trip out there because Rick was having withdraws over their pizza.

I have to admit I haven’t checked my email for this account in over a month, when I logged on this morning I had 250 emails. So I am trying to respond to as many as I can, as quickly as I can. I have to say once again I am happy that I found blogging there are so many kind people out there that normally you would never have the chance to meet.

I am once again experiencing some great pain, but this time it is in my muscles. I’m assuming that it is from the Rheumatoid Arthritis but I feel so week, and my arms and legs are so sensitive you can barley brush against me and I’m howling in pain. I go to see my Rheumatoid specialist on February the 5th hopefully he’ll be able to give me something to make this better.