Wednesday, December 05, 2007

When are you going to die Mommy?

When are you going to die Mommy? That was the question that my five year old son asked me last night, as he crawled onto my lap. He caught me off guard to say the least. So I sat there for a second, and looked at him while smoothing out his hair, and I said, “Hopefully not for a very long time.”

Ricky: Well when?

Me: I don’t know honey; no one really knows when they are going to die.

Ricky: Well I’ll miss you… with tears in his eyes he buried his face in my chest.

Me: Honey, mommy is fine, hopefully I’ll be here for a long time. But no one knows when they are going to die, sometimes little kids die, sometimes mommies and daddies die, but most of the time people live to be pretty old, look at granny she is 91 years old.

Ricky: Well, why do you die?

Me: Because that is just a part of life. When God decides that you have done everything on earth that you were meant to do, then you die and go to heaven to live with Jesus. Then you will get to see everyone in your family that has already went to heaven like Grandma Judy.

Ricky: I will be sad when grandma and grandpa die. (Sad puppy dog eyes, filling up with tears.)

Me: I know but they are only in their 50’s hopefully that won’t be for a long time still.

Then he sat in my lap for awhile without saying a word. Then he gave me a kiss hopped down and took off running to play with his sister.

I think that he is EXTRA SUPER sensitive to things concerning death, because of me being sick with cancer, and less than a year later we lost his grandmother (my husband’s mother) to cancer. He looks worried sometimes. I wonder if it will pass or if I should take him for a couple of therapy sessions? We’ve never used any kind of a therapist but if it could put his mind at ease, it would be worth considering.


imstell said...

Hi. Just followed your comment here from WhyMommy. We struggled with this very same issue with our 5 year old while I fought IBC. He was very sad. And very angry. And very preoccupied with death and dying. (Just before my diagnosis a good friend of ours had died of lung/brain cancer.) We decided to send him to a family/child counselor. It was a very good decision for us and him. Once he knew he wasn't in trouble for anything he was ok with it. It became a safe place for him to vent his feelings. And the counselor was able to open lines of communication between us on issues we never could have guessed at. If you're looking for two cents from someone who's been there: a little counseling never hurts... and it just might help.

KT said...

Hi, I just found you through your comment on Bella's blog. Your "One mother with cancer" tag caught me! I too am a mother of 4 and a recent cancer survivor (breast, which I had twice and I'm just 42 years old! crazy)

I have been through the "I don't want to grow up without a mommy" conversation with my oldest, age 8, and I think what you said to your son is perfect. No therapist (in my opinion, never having gone to one) could help him more than his own mother. This is where you can read what I said to my daughter:
So glad to have found you! Katie