Friday, October 26, 2007

Can breast cancer hit a 17yr old?

I’m truly sick to my stomach right now. I even caught myself asking the all important self pity “Why me” question.

I took Khrystyne to the hospital yesterday for her ultra sound of her right breast. The doctor was pretty confident last week that the lump in her breast was just a cyst. She went back for the ultra sound they had her back in the room for awhile when the technician came out and said, “You need to come back here!” I felt a sinking sensation in my stomach; she just had a sense of urgency to her voice. Usually when you have any x-rays, ultra sounds whatever they will not tell you the results, they always say, “We’ll have the radiologist take a look at these and they will contact your doctor with the results.” But of course not this time… As we walked through the first set of double doors a doctor was waiting for me in the hallway, he introduced himself and shook my hand. Then he said, “Well it’s not a cyst, she definitely has a tumor, and it’s a very dense mass.” Then they lead me to the room where Khrystyne was where they proceeded to tell us what steps are next. He said that they can do a biopsy, but he stated that if the tumor turns out to be benign than that procedure could disfigure her. So he would rather do a needle biopsy first. They kept saying that it would most likely be benign, but if the first one comes back positive (or malignant) then they would have to perform the regular biopsy.

The doctor and the technician both had an extremely worried look on their faces. They kept exchanging a weird look, and he kept asking Khrys how long has she noticed that lump and if it has always been that hard. I’ll be honest I walked away with a very unsettled feeling. They kept exchanging glances, and you could tell that they were uneasy, and that they wanted to say something else but that they couldn’t.

I asked the technician when I should hear from my doctor to set up the biopsy. At first she said that they should call me the first of next week. Then she said, “No, you know what? The doctor is dictating his notes right now, and your doctor’s office should have the results of this test THIS AFTERNOON! You should call his office first thing in the morning, to get this procedure scheduled As Soon As Possible…

They sounded panicked to me, Maybe I’m reading more into this than I should, but I’ve been down this road before (the glances between doctors, the feelings that they are not fully sharing all of the information that they have) and I really don’t think that I am reading more than what is there. Beside the fact we are talking about my 17 year old daughter. So a little panic is in order I think.

After the kids went to bed last night I started freaking the fuck out… excuse my French. What if!!! What if my 17 year old daughter has BREAST CANCER?? I’ve already decided that if her 1st biopsy comes back positive than I am going to take her to IU Medical for a second opinion. I had my treatment at that hospital and I trust the doctors there, they deal with cancer on a daily basis.

Now I find myself thinking ahead to her future, if it turns out that she does have breast cancer… with surgery, chemo, and radiation she most likely will not be able to have children. So today I need to look into what it will take to have her eggs frozen so that she will have the option to have children someday. Two weeks ago who would have thought that I would even have to be thinking this way… I’m not going to get ahead of myself mind you but if it does come back positive I want to have all of my ducks in a row so that they won’t have to waste time waiting on me to research these things, so that they can start her treatment.

I’ve not been able to eat all day, yet I feel like I am about to throw up (correction too late)… I’m sure that’s normal.

She is scared… I can tell, but she worries about me so she tries to put up a brave front, probably the same thing that I do for her. We’ll have to sit down later and talk about this, because I don’t want her to think that she has to go through this alone.

Last night when Rick came home, he visibly looked shook up. You could tell that it had been weighing on his mind all day. Right before he came home last night I thought OMG should I try to find out where Khrystyne’s biological father is, should we tell him? He hasn’t laid eyes on her since she was three years old in 1993. I didn’t want to say anything to Rick. But last night almost as soon as he came home he brought the subject up. So I guess I’m going to have to look someone up. I have no idea where to start, he has lived in New York, Oklahoma, Nevada, Missouri, the list goes on and on… what some men will do to get out of paying child support…

We were both upset last night I don’t even think sleep was on either one of our minds, just pure sick worry. The last time I looked at the clock it was after 3am. Then of course my alarm went off at 5 this morning. I woke the girls up for school, and laid back down for a minute, it just took a couple of seconds for the worry to settle back in.

So I lay there in bed and of course I had to have the prayer, “Lord please let her be alright, and if she does have cancer let her come through the treatments ok. I know that there is a lesson in here somewhere for us. Please just don’t take my child.”

6 comments:

Kim said...

I can't even imagine what you must be going through right now. I am thinking about you and Khrystyne. Please keep us posted with the results!

Bon said...

i haven't been here before...just found you from your comment on Whymommy's blog. i am so sorry for the fear that you and Khrystyne and your family are living through right now. just know that someone you don't know will be hoping for good news from far away.

chichimama said...

You and your family are in my thoughts. I can't even imagine what you must be feeling. Sending as much positive energy as I can your way.

Aimee said...

I've been a lurker here. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this with your daughter! I will be praying for you and your family.

Mama V said...

Hi there,
Just got sent over by Whymommy.... My prayers are with you and your family... I can't even imagine what you're going through right now. There's really nothing I can do but think of you and pray for you and your daughter. Hopefully this will give you strength to get through the next little bit, hopefully to find out it's benign. Stay strong!

One Mother with Cancer said...

Thank you all for your comments, I just got an appointment scheduled for her to see Dr. Robert Goulet with IU Medical Center. He is supposed to be one of the best here in Indiana.