Sunday, May 27, 2007

My Toofh is Broken

Ricky at the doctors office with his brooken toofh
Ricky the next morning minus a toofh

Last Thursday I took Ricky to the doctors (he had been running a fever all week) and we were sitting in the waiting room. Ricky came up to me and said my toofh is broken. I said, your tooth is broken? He said, yes, it’s broken. I told him that I would look at it when we got home thinking that he had chipped one of his teeth because he grinds his teeth sometimes in his sleep. We finally got taken back to the room, and he wasn’t feeling well so he was lying up on the table. I caught a glimpse of his front bottom tooth and it looked discolored, I told him to open his mouth so that I could look at his teeth. When I went to touch the tooth it almost fell right out of his head. I said, your tooth is not broken its loose!! So when the doctor came into the room the first thing that Ricky said was, “I have a LOOSE TOOFH!!”
That night he fell asleep on the couch (still with a fever) he woke up and started throwing up, we finally got him settled back down and back to sleep. The next morning when he woke up he smiled at me minus a bottom tooth. (He’s four!!) He either lost it when he got sick that night or he swallowed it in his sleep.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Dark Places

Well it’s been a pretty interesting week. Last week my husband received four phone calls at 2am of course we leave our cell phones downstairs so we never heard it ring, and the next morning I called him on my way to work so he never even realized that he had missed any phone calls… Until… he received a call from his ex-brother-in-law wanting to know what the f*@k was going on with his sister the night before. I guess she kept calling his house until she woke up their 5yr old son, and for some reason he let her talk to him a 2 in the morning, she got him so upset that he was crying. After he spoke with Jeff, Rick hung up and called his sister, she told him that she didn’t want to talk about it over the phone but that he needed to stop by after work because she needed to talk to him. So he called me to let me know what was going on and that he would be late coming home that night. When he walked in the door I could see that it was really bad so I sent the kids upstairs so that we could talk in private. He just welled up with tears, and couldn’t talk at first, but he said that when he walked into her house that her arms were bandaged up she had tried to commit suicide. Shannon and her boyfriend had both called Rick the morning before, because he didn’t know what to do and needed some help in dealing with her. Come to find out this is the third attempt that she has made (she tried taking pills before). She asked Rick how he could deal with the loss of their mother, that she just couldn’t bear it. He told her that it was life. She said excuse me what do you mean? He said people live and people die, but that you can’t let it consume you. He told her that he still had a wife and four kids to think about, of course he still misses her, but you have to go on. He told her that she really needed to seek help (because she has two kids to think about.) She is really messed up.

Not to say I told them so, but I’ve been telling them for years (way before Judy died) that they were not doing Shannon any favors and if something happened to Judy or to Granny, Shannon was going to be in real trouble. And now she is. Judy always took care of Shannon’s kids and gave her money practically every day, she would pay her bills, and she paid her rent for almost a year. So Shannon has never had to grow up, and now she doesn’t know how to manage her life.

Her ex-husband has their son almost all of the time, her 90 year old grandmother keeps the little girl most of the time. Shannon quit her job, she doesn’t have contact with anyone, and she sleeps until 2 in the afternoon every day. She is very depressed, and now she can’t cope with life in general. She thinks that if she admits that she has a problem and seeks professional help that her ex will try to get full custody of their children. She is very paranoid. I told Rick that if he sat down and talked with her and got Jeff over so that they could be very candid about what was going on and that she needed his help while she worked on getting better that most likely he would be willing to help her with the kids without taking full custody of the them, because Jeff still loves Shannon she is the mother of his two children and if he would admit it or not he still really cares for her and in no way would want her to hurt (or kill herself), because then what would he tell their children?

So anyways I’ve been calling around to some of the stress centers in town to see what she needs to do to get checked in, and start getting some help. I also contacted the hospice who took care of Judy that last month, because they have bereavement counseling. The lady contacted me yesterday and I told her what was going on, and she asked if it would be ok to contact Shannon. So I called Rick and asked him, and he gave me Shannon’s new phone number. So the lady waited until the afternoon to call and she did reach Shannon, but Shannon asked her if she could call back later, and then of course she didn’t answer the phone when the lady called back. So I called Rick and told him what was going on and that he needed to stop by and talk to her again, because she had stopped taking Rick’s calls as well. (Because the other night her and her boyfriend was fighting because he would not let her take anymore pills, and would not give her the keys to the car so that she could leave, so she called Rick thinking that he would come right over and make her boyfriend give her pills… Like that was going to happen). So last night he went by and talked to her and she said that she would call the lady back from hospice, but we’ll see.

She did tell Rick last night that she felt that I didn’t like her very much, and he was just bluntly honest with her. He told her that I live my life for my children, and that when I was sick they were all I thought about. And that I don’t think too much of people who can just let their children walk out the door with anyone just because they don’t want to be bothered with them. Shannon let her week old daughter stay the night with friends so that she could go out and party. She has been doing drugs since she was a teenager, and drinking since then too. When she had her first child she straightened up for about four months and we really thought that she was growing up, but then she went back to old habits, and now here we are. I really do care about Shannon I worry about her all of the time, but there comes a time in your life when it can’t be about you every minute of the day you have to make sacrifices for those you love to make sure that they are going to have a good life. Rick told Shannon last night that in the near future he sees Jeff getting custody of Jeffery and us getting custody of Hannah. He didn’t really pull any punches with her last night, and he asked her straight up if she was serious about getting help, because if she wasn’t he wasn’t going to waste his time trying to help her. She wanted to know what he meant by that. He told her that if she didn’t want to get help, that he knows, he cannot make her, and he wasn’t going to put a lot of energy into it unless she was really serious about asking for help.

In my opinion he probably shouldn’t have put it like that, but I do understand where his frustration is coming from. I told Rick if Shannon doesn’t get help now she will be dead in a year. Hopefully we can talk her into going into a stress center for awhile to really get the help she needs. She is a good person; she’s just made a lot of really bad choices in her lifetime. (They had a cousin that was in the same way and a few weeks after his birthday last year he took a whole bottle of pills, his four year old daughter found him dead the next morning) I can see this happening to Shannon, I hope that she will trust her brother and let him get her the help that she desperately needs. I have been depressed in the past and I know that it is a very dark place; I just want her to trust that we have her best interest at heart, because we really do.