Thursday, August 17, 2006

Cancer Sucks

Well it’s been a long turbulent week. My mother-in-law is slipping downward faster and faster. At first they said that she had months to live (one person even stated that it would most likely be after the first of the year) than we were told less than three months, now they are saying within weeks, but I believe that it is just going to be a matter of days. Aunt Shirley (who is staying with Judy 24 hours a day) called me earlier and said that the hospice nurses came out (they couldn’t stop her from throwing up) and they told them that her bowels are shutting down. (I think once things start shutting down it’s just a matter of days) We have been planning her funeral which is very surreal since she is still alive, but while she was in the hospital she asked one of her sisters to get things started so that it would be easier on Rick and Shannon, and then after they found out and got upset she told them all that she did not even remember asking her to do it. Everything is pretty much planned so we are just going to keep things as is for now. (I am skipping the whole drama behind this until I feel better, because it still gives me a headache, but I will get to it sometime soon)

We are still trying to get her to sign Living Will, her Will, and Power of Attorney which will have to happen tonight before she doesn’t know what she is doing. We all know what she wants but she is one of 9 children and a very determined 90 year old mother, and if there is any arguments after she passes we will have it in writing and notarized. We have a notary coming over tonight to witness everything. So hopefully we will keep as much peace as possible. However if it comes down to it I am not above telling them all to Fuck off. This is hard enough on Rick and Shannon losing their mother, and honestly they just don’t need it. They both look like shit, black circles under their eyes, red eyes, they look totally worn out, and they are both horrified that this is happening in the first place little lone that it is happening so quickly. (Two weeks ago she told them that she had two years to live) So they really just don’t need the drama, honestly neither do I. Because of course they have been babyfied by their mother their whole lives, and now all the responsibility falls to me, Rick asked his sister last night if she trusted me to make all of the arraignments and she said, “yes” so I’ll be taking care of everything.

This is so hard for me as well I am very close to Judy, she’s like a mother to me we have always gotten along very well and besides for my best friend Ange she is the next closest friend that I have. Before she got sick, we talked on the phone every day even if just to say hi. So I make sure that I don’t cry in front of them, and try to be strong for all of them. It’s so hard though. I HATE CANCER WITH A PASSION!!!!! I watched my grandfather die of lung cancer, I’ve unfortunately had to deal with cancer myself (leukemia) (still in remission thank God) and now I’m having to watch someone close to me fade away. It is so gut wrenching, I can’t stand it.

I the mean time my three older children have started school, so we all are going to need a vacation after this, and we just may take one with or without pay. We have not had any time off from drama, just one thing after another after another since before I was diagnosed last year. We are all just so tired. Well keep us in your thoughts and prayers we are going to need it.

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