Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Joke of the day

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now", she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter ...

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Joke of the Day

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.

The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.

She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's
sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.

So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.

I Won, I Won

Well everything went just fine at the doctor's; I need to learn to not stress out before bad news is delivered. The Doctor said all of my blood work looks just great. I have a really great doctor (Dr. Cripe @ I.U.P.U.I. in Indianapolis; where Lance Armstrong was treated) Which brings me to something good that came out of my doctors appointment, when I was in the elevator they had a poster up, the hospital was having a drawing for 5 people to win dinner for two with Lance Armstrong the night before the race, also for 50 people to win 2 tickets to the Indy 500. While I really wanted to win the dinner, I ended up winning tickets to the 500, I'll definitely take it.

My sons' birthday is this weekend, he will be 4 years old. So me and my husband and the two youngest kids went to Krogers last night to order the cake. (We wanted to get Disney's Cars cake but they do not have it yet, so I ordered a huge cake with green and white frosting, ribbons and confetti) Well let me just start off with "Do not EVER take your HUSBAND and children to a store to order something that you have done a million times!" My husband kept changing his mind, no I want this kind of border, no I want this frosting, I finally told the kid taking our order just go with what I said and do not even listen to this idiot!! My husband was a little pissy with me, but ask me if I care.

Anyway we are having a cookout this weekend for his birthday, and so many people are coming over. I had forgotten that this weekend is Memorial weekend so everybody is looking for a party. I invited a girl from work and her son, and she asked me if there was going to be a lot of alcohol because she wanted to drink???? This is a birthday party for a 4 year old now.

Monday, May 22, 2006

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2006 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your
coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

....Period....

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out something 'exciting' and relate it to the class the next day.

When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy the teacher called on walked up to the front of the class ..... and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard and then sat back down.

Puzzled, the teacher asked him what it was. "It's a period," he replied. "I can see that," said the teacher, "but what is so 'exciting' about a period?" "Darned if I know," he said, "but this morning my sister was 'missing' one. Mommy fainted; daddy had a heart attack, and the boy next door joined the Navy.

A Teenager is...

A person who can't remember to walk the dog but never forgets a phone number.

A weight watcher who goes on a diet by giving up candy bars before breakfast.

A youngster who receives his/her allowance on Monday, spends it on Tuesday, and borrows from his/her best friend on Wednesday.

Someone who can hear a song by 50 Cent played three blocks away but not his mother calling from the next room.

A whiz who can operate the latest computer without a lesson but can't make a bed.

A student who will spend 12 minutes studying for her history exam and 12 hours for her driver's license.

A youngster who is well informed about anything he doesn't have to study.

An enthusiast who has the energy to ride a bike for miles, but is usually too tired to dry the dishes.

A connoisseur of two kinds of fine music: Loud and Very Loud.

A young woman who loves the cat and tolerates her brother.

A person who is always late for dinner but always on time for a rock concert. A romantic who never falls in love more than once a week.

A budding beauty who never smiles until her braces come off.

A boy who can sleep until noon on any Saturday when he suspects the lawn needs mowing.

An original thinker who is positive that her mother was never a teenager.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Doctors DOctors DOCtors!!

Well today I go back to the doctors for blood work to see if my cancer has came back. I've had a couple of bruises that won't go away (2 1/2 weeks) so I'm really nervous about this check up. That and I had a really bad dream two days ago that I was dying. I'm really not superstious, but for some reason it really has me shook up. (I saw myself in a mirror deathly thin with the knowledge that I was dying) and no way have I told my husband, he would be so worried.

My mother-in-laws appointment did not go very well last week they want to start her on Chemo again, and they also have found a spot on her liver. (they are not 100% sure that it is cancer, but pretty sure) they will do another cat scan in 4 months and decide where to go from there. So for the mean time she refused treatment, the ovarian cancer that she has is very slow going so the doctors think that it would be ok to postpone treatment. Although I think that she should just do it, it's her not me so I'll just stand by her decision.

Now my step-dad is in the hospital he is going to have to get a stint put in one of his arteries (it is totally blocked) They said he has heart and lung damage, soooo just one more to add to the pot.

I truly think that the reason people are getting cancer so much more is because of the foods we eat. With all of the preservatives and dyes, and everything else that they put into our foods. It's just not meant for human consumption..... My cancer may have been caused by my job though I work for a pest control company, and exposure to benzene has been linked to Leukemia. Now they are saying that there is benzene in diet sodas also so who really knows. I know that my husbands grandmother will be 90 years old this August she still lives alone she still plants a garden every year, and cans all of her own vegetables, and she is as healthy as a horse. Her heart is strong, and she is still going. I'm considering going semi-vegetarian I'm still weighing my options on that but it has worked for her, and I don't want to get sick again.

My oldest daughter went to an underclassman dance last Friday, she looked so beautiful, and I could kick myself now because I forgot to take her picture. (Bad Mom)

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

It's a GIRL!!

Well Sunday was my husbands birthday, so we had a cookout, I invited his mother, grandmother, uncle, sister and her kids, my mom & her husband. I didn't think that anybody was going to show there for awhile, I told everyone to come around 1pm and I don't think that anyone started showing up until after 2pm. Maybe they heard me wrong, but I sure am glad that they finally showed up because I had made a ton of food. My sister-in-law came and brought her two kids, and her on again off again boyfriends kids sans the boyfriend. (My husband is still waiting to see him again) (He keeps going back and forth from my sister-in-law to his children's mother, he has broken into her house and wrote nasty things on her walls in black spray paint, he has hit her and everything else, last I heard they were broken up again, but I guess that's changed) On Saturday I planted a bunch of flowers, and some shrubs so I could barley function on Sunday because I was so sore. My muscles feel like they have turned to mush, it must be a side effect from all of that chemo that I took, but I managed to get everything done. Anyway he enjoyed himself.

My friend went to the doctor's today, and she is having a GIRL!!! How is that for being right on the money. She actually had to have the ultrasound done twice because the baby did not want to corporate. Anyways how exciting. She is five months and one week along and she is not even showing yet she is still wearing her normal everyday clothes. By two months with all four of my kids I couldn't even think about wearing regular clothes.

I go with my mother-in-law to her doctors appointment tomorrow morning. She has stage four cancer, and they were wanting to do surgery on her again (this would make 23-25 surgeries) Her main doctor had told her last year if they ever had to open her up again she probally would not make it off of the table alive. So two weeks ago all of her surgeons and cancer doctors got together to discuss her options and what they all thought, so tomorrow we get to find out the verdict. It feels like a death sentence. I think that I am more scared about going to her appointment than I am when I have to go and see if my cancer has come back. So I guess I'm pretty nervous for her. (Wish her luck) On a side note, my husband has to work tomorrow and can't get off, but his sister won't even go with their mother to see what the doctor's have to say. So I'm taking off of work so she doesn't have to be alone. (That girl is so worthless)

Friday, May 05, 2006

Stupid Car

Well on my way to work this morning my car died in the turning lane how embarrassing. I had to call my husband to come pick me up, and before he got there a police car pulled up behind my car with his lights on. I was standing over by a hotel waiting on my husband and walked over to tell the policeman that he was on the way, but he called in for assistance anyways, and by the time another policeman got there my husband had showed up, so they pushed it over to a business and we had to call the shop to come out and tow it. He just called me the fuel pump went out on it (I just filled my tank all the way to the hilt last night) the part is $350.00 plus this friend of my husbands is only going to charge us $150.00 for the towing, and to fix it for us. If it's not one thing it is definitely another.

I just talked to my best friend she is expecting her first child in September (although she has been a step-mother for six children for the past 14 years, and she had adopted her niece about five or six years ago) Her husband had his vasectomy reversed last year, and then in February she took a pregnancy test one year to the day of his surgery and it was positive. Anyway she goes to the doctor's on Tuesday to find out if she's having a boy or a girl. She is keeping a journal as to what everyone tells her that they think she is having. For the record it's going to be a girl, just my opinion. We have been friends since we were sixteen years old (so we've pretty much grown up together; for the past 18 years anyway), and I think that I'm more excited for her than I ever was for myself. Well here's to a healthy baby.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Rip Off

Well let me get started. My husband just called me after dropping his mother off from the airport. (She went on a cruise with half of her family, her mother, daughter,(daughters friend), two sisters, one brother, a brother-in-law, and a sister-in-law) The first thing he told me was that before she could get off of the ship she had to pay a $1200.00 bill, initially I thought it was for her daughter, and her daughters friend (from a bar tab) but no it was a phone bill, what a rip off. They had all taken phone cards with them to call home, but did not realize that when they were out to sea that a phone connection would cost a minimum of $6.99 a minute, so I guess my sister-in-law and her friend were burning up those phone lines. My sister-in-law is such a Bi**h, she takes her mother and grandmother for granted, and soon they will both be gone, and she has burned way too many bridges to get any good help financially from family, because we all know that she will never pay you back. His mother told him oh they're going to pay me back,(yeah right) we all know it will never happen. His sister works at Don Pablo's (part time mind you), and she gets child support from her ex for their two kids. His mom ends up having to pay over half her rent every month, and buying those babies groceries, and clothes. But my sister-in-law manages to go out several times a week esp... on the weekends, and never worries about money then.

Also when my husband went to pick up most of his family, his mother and grandmother were both in wheelchair's. His grandmother will be 90 in August, and she is really frail. And his mother is in stage 4 cancer. Her 2 sisters and her brother-in-law decided to stay in Florida for a few extra days, so they sent almost all of their luggage back with the four girls (one being almost 90 mind you). He said they had 10 bags, that they had to lug from one terminal to another when they changed flights. He was pissed.

Families are the greatest aren't they? You just want to grab ahold of them sometimes and say What the hell were you thinking?????

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Friends

Well it's been over a week since my last posting, and I don't even know where to start. I guess first off I will tell a funny story. My 12 year old daughter came to work with me on Saturday (1/2 day) and she was playing on the internet when she found my blog, she asked me about it, I told her what it was (she thought the name was funny, of course) she asked to read my blog, I told her no it's personal (I haven't given my blog out to friends or family). So anyway when she came home from school yesterday she said that one of her friends found this blog on the internet and was telling her about it. Somehow the name of my blog came up, and my daughter told her friend I think that's my mom's webpage, they started talking about what is on the blog and my daughter told her no I really think that is my mom's. Her friend started laughing and made a comment about the name of my blog, and how she was surprised that a mother would use that name. Anyway what are the chances of that happening?

Same daughter different story: She fell at gym last week and called me at work, I went and picked her up and took her to the Doctors she dislocated her knee cap and has an MCL strain. I had to take her to and Orthopedic Surgeon on Monday and thank God it looks like she will only need physical therapy (three times a week). No surgery as of yet. But anyway I've been getting on to her about doing her exercises, and last night I told her to do them and she said NO I'm not going to do it, and you can't make me. So of course she did them. I also emailed her PE teacher and let her know that she could do one set of her exercises for gym (since she can't participate in gym for the rest of the school year) I guess this teacher is a real Bi**h, so she will make her do them. She was so pissed at me for that. But as many of you other parents out there know you have to pay your children back when the opportunity presents itself, for all of the yelling, screaming, and stomping that they do. (Not to mention throwing fits in the store, or in front of company) So it feels good to get them back once in a while.

So if my daughter's friend is reading this "HI".

Also if you want to see some funny videos, pictures, or jokes check out my friends website @
www.breakingbricks.com he's got some really funny stuff on there.

Oh yeah the Cancer retreat was OK, but not really my cup of tea. I don't want to dwell on the fact that I have cancer, as long as I am in remission I just want to put it behind me and live my life. So pretty much that was probably my last time going.