Friday, December 22, 2006

Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year

Ricky & Breanna
Breanna Rick & Ricky


Well today is my last day at work until January 2nd ; so there probably will not be any new updates until the first of the year (unless my computer comes in before then) so I wanted to make sure that I wished all of you a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.

This year for me personally has been an odd year. Some highs and a lot of lows, but yet I still find myself thankful for everything and everyone that I have in my life. I find myself optimistic and looking forward to some changes personally and professionally. I have discovered over the years that the one thing that makes you grow as a person is change, and I welcome that. I pray that I stay in remission for this next year, and that my family and yours make it safely through this coming year.

I thank God for my family and friends that have stood by me and encouraged me (and worried about me). I truly know how very lucky I am for that. I pray that I learn new lessons this coming year to make myself a better wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, and just all around a better person.

I look forward to slowing down this next year, and taking better care of my family, and myself so that we can have many more years together, and that we can truly take the time to appreciate all that God has so freely given to us.

I pray that my husband finds it in his heart to forgive his grandmother, and move past the horrible things that happened between them when his mother died. I hope that they are able to find peace with it.

I hope that I am able to be a better friend, sister, daughter, wife, and mother; and truly listen when people find the need to confide in me, and that I am granted the wisdom to help them when they need me.

My goal for this next year is to get out from in front of that stupid T.V. and actually live my life. That my family and I do what is necessary to get healthy, and active. That I lead as an example to my children as I start to volunteer (either for the Leukemia Society, American Cancer Society, or the Little Red Door) I’m not sure which one yet. I pray that my children learn the importance of taking care of other people, and not just thinking about themselves all of the time; because we would not have made it through this last year without the help of others. I want to make sure that they know the importance of paying it forward.

I pray this next year that I become a better Christian, and get my family & myself to church more often. That I find myself more receptive to God’s word, and not take it as a personal attack on the way that I live my life. (Like I said earlier, I need to grow more as a person; and as a Christian)

All in all I look forward to growth as a person, and a Christian. I look forward to making memories with my family. Loving and being loved. I'm looking forward to a wonderful year.

Merry Christmas…

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Ready or Not!!!

I have four children so it should come as no surprise when I say that my house is rarely quiet… EVER!! Last night we sent Breanna to bed, Courtney was in her room, and Khrystyne was hanging out with us in the living room. Little Ricky was running all over the house, upstairs, downstairs it didn’t matter he was just trying to keep himself occupied. Then the house fell silent… I sat there and listened for a few minutes, and decided to go check it out for myself. I’ve learned that if your kids get quiet you’d better go investigate, or you might be cleaning permanent marker off of your T.V., a whole roll of toilet paper out of your commode, or trying to eject a peanut butter and jelly sandwich from your VCR (and yes that really did happen to us). I went to his bedroom he wasn’t there; checked in my bedroom, Courtney’s room, both bathrooms I started to get frantic calling out his name, NOTHING! I yelled downstairs to Rick and the girls to help me find him, and I went back into his room to look in his closet. Courtney calls out, "I found him." I went to Khrystyne’s room and this is what we saw:

I woke him up this morning to ask him why he decided to fall asleep under Khrystyne's bed he said, “I closed my eyes for a second.” I said, “Well why were you under her bed in the first place?” He goes, “I was waiting for her to come up here.” He was going to grab her leg from underneath her bed, to try to scare her. Does that sound like a little brother to you or what?

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Holiday fun!

Ange brought the kids by to exchange Christmas gifts last night. Shelby was dressed up like Santa; isn't she cute?
A close up of the cutie pie!
The kids opening up thier gifts.
Courtney and Angel; best buddies.
Courtney and Angel from a couple of weeks ago; they were trying to be silly by putting lipstick on thier noses but they forgot that it was the 12 hour lipstick. It did not come off so easily!!!

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Name Change: to One Mother with Cancer

I set up this blog under Spanky Myass; one day a friend and I played around with some words and on a dare I used that name. For the past few weeks (maybe even months) it has started to bother me on a personal level. So I changed the name of this blog to what it really is; One Mother with Cancer. I hope this didn't cause too much confusion for you; and thanks for reading.

Everything looks good.


Well I went to the doctor’s yesterday for my cancer check-up and my blood work looks great. Although the (new) nurse blew out my vein; it is three different shades of purple today. I think everyone had an appointment yesterday I had to go to two different parking garages to find a place to park. So I was running a little short on time and I was trying to hurry up to the office, but on my way I saw some art work on the far right hand wall of course I didn’t have time to stop right then but I made it a point to go check it out after my appointment.

There were about eight framed art pieces; they all looked like they had some similarities to them. While I was looking at each piece and reading the captions a woman came up next to me and asked me what I thought about the artwork. I told her that it looked as if the same person drew all of the pictures. She said, “She did” and pointed to a picture next to the wall. (I kept looking at her and the picture to see if she was the artist, she was not, but she did look familiar) Along with the picture was some information on the artist, she also had Leukemia and actually had to have a bone marrow transplant. The woman that I was speaking with was a nurse at 5 North at I.U. Medical, the reason she looked so familiar was because she was one of my nurses when I was in the hospital. She asked me if I had to have a bone marrow transplant, and I told her no but I came real close. After my last hospital stay I received a phone call from my insurance company wanting to know if they had a date scheduled for my bone marrow transplant. I called my nurse thinking why haven’t they told me about this. She said, “No you’re not scheduled for a transplant, but you came real close!” So for everyone who prayed for me and my family this past year thank you very much, I know it helped. Anyways back to the story, every stage of treatment was shown in those drawings, and it just took me back. One picture was of a bald woman laying on a bed with a bag of chemo attached to her chest and the caption read, “Learning to accept poison as a gift” I was almost in tears. I had my camera with me and it never occurred to take a picture of the display. I’m on vacation next week, so I’m going to make Rick take me up there so I can get some pictures of the display. Those pictures really touched me deeply.

I was talking to my boss at work this morning, and he said that a woman at their church has just been diagnosed with breast cancer, and they believe that it has spread to her liver as well. I didn’t want to tell him that that is not a very good sign at all, but I didn’t. When Judy’s cancer spread to her liver she was dead in about a month, but every person is different so please pray for this family, prayer can make miracles happen, I’m here because of it. This family from his church has 10 children the youngest is around 15-16. They are missionaries, not full time but anywhere from six weeks to six months out of a year. The father is a doctor and provides services to poor families through their work.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Weekend update.


This weekend was pretty full. We took the younger two children downtown to see the circle of lights. We saw this wonderful Santa on a motorcycle. (How fun!) We took them to Circle Center Mall and had dinner, but before we could do anything else Khrys called from work they were sending her home early because they weren’t busy so we had to cut our time short. Oh well we can always go back.

I cooked all day long yesterday. Rick knew that I was going to be making candy and cookies all day but yet he still requested breakfast, and of course I couldn’t be something simple. They wanted biscuits and sausage gravy, bacon, eggs, and potatoes. After that I got started on my holiday baking. I made fudge, a double batch of peanut butter fudge, divinity, buckeyes, Mexican wedding cakes, chocolate covered pretzels, and a triple batch of snicker doodles. (Do you know how much sugar all of this stuff calls for????) Any ways I still have some dough left to make snicker doodles but other than that I got everything finished yesterday. I was ready to sack out after all of that, but then Survivor came on, I was rooting for Ozzy, but Yul ended up winning it. (Like a lawyer needs to win money???)

My best friend just called me; her daughter is in some really hot water. I won’t go into all of the specifics but let me give you a bit of advice. If your child has a My Space page make sure you let them know that they are NEVER to give out their passwords to their friends (or supposed friends) because you never know what they may go in there and post on your page. Plus if they change the password, and claim that they can’t remember what it is you have to go through a long process to get that stuff offline!!! Just a little warning, but trust me it is a good piece of advice.

I never did make it up to the hospital to see my cousins new baby; they let her go home in less than 24 hours!! My mother sent me a picture but it didn’t turn out very well so I’ll have to get a better one.

I’m getting ready to go to the doctors for my bi monthly check up for my Leukemia. Wish me luck!!

Friday, December 15, 2006

Babies, Babies, Babies...

Shelby


Well my mother just called me and my cousin just had (yet another) baby. So that will officially bring our total to 24 for Christmas Eve. She had another little girl, so two girls and one boy. This will be her last child though; she is in her early twenties with three children her first one being born when she was just 15 years old. She is still with the same guy that she was with when she was 14 years old; it works for them I guess. My 13 year old goes through boyfriends so fast I can’t even keep up. One day it’s this guy, next week it’s that guy. Which is just fine with me; it just means that they don’t have time to get serious.

Ange had just called me (right before my mother did) and her husband’s oldest son and his girlfriend had another baby last week; a little boy named Nathaniel. I told Ange I really like that name, they could call him Nate. She said yeah that’s what I said. But the girlfriend replied I don’t want him called that! She is such a snoot. Oh well Nate it is…

I went out to try to do some more shopping today at lunch, and to be honest I’m just not in the mood. This month started out very well, but the closer Christmas comes the more that I find myself dreading it. Hopefully next year will be better. (I’m not so sure though) I think that we will make it a point to decorate Judy’s grave on Christmas as a family… My husband is Polish and one of their traditions is to set a place at the table for the person who has just departed, I think that we are definitely going to do that. It already fells like something is missing anyways. It’s going to be a tough one. She was only 52 years old. To me that just don’t seem very old; she definitely wasn’t ready to call it quits she fought to the very end, but cancer is such a Beast. It just doesn’t seem fair. Sometimes I wonder if my cancer will come back again and again like hers did. It’s a scary thought. So I try not to dwell on it, (but it’s hard not to)… Not only all of that but she also died on my best friends birthday, so that’s kind of tough as well.

I’ll try to make it up to the hospital this weekend and get some pictures of my cousins baby (she does have cute babies) and get them posted next week. I also get the privilege of watching baby Shelby tonight!!! Yea! I can’t wait (although she is like her mother, and she knows what she wants even if you don’t!) So that makes for a sometimes fussy baby. But who cares, I can get my baby fix in and then I can send her home with her parents. (Which is even better than having them yourself)

Have a great weekend.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Is everyone downsizing?

Well we have some nice things going on at work lately. They are getting ready to change the whole structure of our company as of the 1st of January. We are being told not to worry, but I went ahead and updated my resume just incase. What a nice Christmas gift!!

Last night my husband came home and told me that they are having a meeting at his work today, and they might be doing away with his location altogether. So the hits just keep on coming!!

Last night I had a crazy dream about work; so it is stressing me out too much already. It kept waking me up all hours of the night; I would fall back asleep and dream the same damn dream all over again. (I hate that!) Needless to say I'm tired as all get out today. The drive home will be interesting.

Hopefully this time next month we will both still have a job. The last time I looked for a job it took me 6 weeks before I found something, and that was just it SOMETHING!! I didn't stay there for long that's for sure.

The closer it gets to Christmas the more everyone has been thinking about Judy; last night Breanna came downstairs with a drawing of Judy (as an Angel) and our dog that died a few years back (Effie) and both of them had tears coming down because they missed us. Rick wanted to see and of course he started crying.

I called the funeral home last night to see when they would have Judy's headstone placed, and they had already placed it two days before. We were hoping that it would be there by Christmas.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

T.V. Anyone


After posting yesterday while still here at work my mother called screaming into the phone,

“I was in the kitchen just getting started on making dinner; I didn’t know what they were doing in there.”

(Screaming in the background from both of my youngest children.)

Me: What happened?

Mom: I was in the kitchen…

Me: What, What, What!

Mom: The dresser fell over on top of Ricky!

Me: I’m leaving right now!

I go pick up my purse and my keys, run back to the manager’s office told him what happened and left.

I called her in the car on the way.

Me: Are they OK?

Everything is quite in the background

Mom: Yeah, their fine.

Me thinking to myself I’m going to kill her. She has a tendency of over exaggerating...

Me: What happened?

Mom: Well I just started making dinner (I think I already know this part!!) and they were in my bedroom watching cartoons. (Ricky decided that he wanted to watch Animal Planet and so he climbed up the knobs on the dresser and it and the T.V. fell over on not only him but Breanna as well.) When I ran in there they were both pinned down on the bed and they were both holding up the T.V. (which is not a little T.V. by the way) I pushed up the T.V. and the dresser so they could get out. Ricky’s legs were pinned down under the dresser and Breanna has a bump on her head from where the T.V. hit her.

Me: Does she need to go to the hospital?

Mom: I don’t know, but Ricky is fine he is walking around eating gummy worms.

So I go to her house to pick the kids up, and Breanna still has a good sized knot on her head this morning, but they’ll be fine.

Sometimes I just want to scream… I wish that we could live off of one income so that I could stay home with the kids. Rick and I have discussed selling our house and moving into an apartment so that I could do just that, but I promised Khrystyne that we would not move again until she graduated from high school. (She was an Army brat, and had to change schools almost every year until Jr. High)

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Just another rainy day in Indiana

This is what it looks like outside!


I was getting ready to leave for work this morning; I opened the door and it was raining. It’s 2:00 in the afternoon and it is still raining… Blah!!!

Khrystyne had fun at her job this weekend, she is still so excited. (I guess that will fade the same way that she used to beg me to let her do the dishes, now I have to constantly stay on her and Courtney just to get them done.) Which by the way my husband and I cleaned the kitchen last night (after Courtney supposedly did), and we were in there a good hour scrubbing down counters, cleaning the stove etc… All I can say is I can’t wait to see what their place looks like when they finally become of age and move out. They clean the surface, but you’d better not look behind the toaster. YUCK!!! That’s a teenager for you.

We are having a junk food Christmas treat day next Monday at work. (I’ll only be here until 1pm because I have a check-up with my cancer doctor that day) But I can’t wait to see what everyone brings in. (I’m so bad!) My husband and I have decided to change the way we eat as of the first of the year. (BOO!) No really we need to, and we need to make sure that our kids know how to make the right choices. We both have family histories of heart disease, cancer, and diabetes, so if we change things now we won’t have to worry so much later.

Breanna is getting sick again, this morning her asthma was in full swing. I let her stay home today because she looked so pitiful, and she was crying. I feel so badly for her. A day like this is the main reason why I want to move away from Indiana; if she was in a warmer climate her asthma would not bother her as badly.

Ricky was extra cuddly last night which is always nice. He’s my youngest and before long he will not want anything to do with me. (But he’s still my baby) and spoiled!!! I can’t even begin to tell you. He is a really good kid though, I wish all of my kids would have been this easy. (Knock on wood)

Friday, December 08, 2006

Khrystyne

I had to go a round with Khrystyne’s school to get her a work permit, but mission accomplished. Khrystyne was diagnosed with a learning disability when she was three years old. She was in physical, occupational, and speech therapy for three years before she even started school, and has always struggled with her studies. I don’t feel that is her fault and that she should be punished because of a learning disability and not be allowed to experience the same things that other teenagers get to experience. So I was ready to take her school on if necessary, but after speaking with me, the Dean issued Khrystyne a work permit. So last night after work I had to take her shopping to get Khaki pants, and she will start her job tonight.

Now going back some, when Khrystyne was three years old she was diagnosed with Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. I was going through a divorce from her father at that time, and she just stopped speaking, so of course I was very concerned for her and took her to the doctor right away. Well they ran a whole battery of tests on her, and even did a MRI, and they came to the conclusion that PTSD was what make her stop talking.

I was with her dad for two years before Khrystyne was born, one month later we got married, and two weeks after that he started hitting me. It only progressed from there to the point he beat me unconscious twice (once in front of his own mother, and both times in front of Khrystyne) but I stuck it out until Khrys was 3 and Courtney was 5 months old because I was raised in church and was brought up that no matter what divorce was against the Bible, and you need to work things out and stay together for your children’s sake.

Well I am here to tell you right now that is a big crock of shit!!!

Now let me state one more time I was with her father for over two years before he ever struck me. Why he just decided to start smacking me around all of the sudden is beyond me, but he did. I always said to myself, “As long as he doesn’t hit my kids, I can take it and they will be alright.”

Well I’m here to tell you they will not be alright, because of all of the abuse that she was witnessed to; her whole life has been a struggle, and there is not a day that goes by that I don’t blame myself for that. After the second time he beat me unconscious I left him, only to go back to him several months later with the understanding that he would never hit me again or I would leave and never look back.

Shortly after getting back together we moved to New York (he was in the military) we lived there about 2 ½ months when we were sitting in the living room one evening watching T.V. when all of the sudden he jumped up running across the room yelling, I looked up in horror only to see him hit my 3 yr old daughter (like he would hit me) all because she brought ONE toy into the living room. I was shocked, and I went to pick her up yelling at him, “What did you do that for?” his response was, “She has a room let her play with her things in there, I don’t want that shit all over my house.” To which I replied, “You don’t even clean up this house I DO, if you ever put your hands on her again I’ll cut your f*$King throat where you sleep!” I calmed her down and put her to bed (out of fear that he might try that again) and we of course had many other choice words that night.

Well three days later same set up we were sitting on the couch and he took off running and that son of a bitch did it again, but this time he hit her so hard that her feet came up off of the floor and she went flying through the air into a wall and then fell and hit her head on the hardwood floors. (Shortly after this is when she stopped speaking.) I was stunned; I could not believe what I had just seen! I remember sitting on my hands because I was so angry, and just shaking all over. He strolled through the house towards me with a stupid look on his face like, “Now what Bi**h, what do you think you are going to do about it?” and that idiot sat down right next to me. To this day I swear I cannot remember what happened it’s like I blacked out, I remember running towards Khrystyne and picking her up, I remember running out the door with her in my arms crying like I was the one that he had hit, but I can’t remember anything before that, all I know is that when we were running out of the house I caught a glimpse of red everywhere, and to this day I don’t remember hitting him, but I did; I broke his nose.

I grabbed her stroller from outside of the house and walked almost a mile to a pay phone, and I told my family what had happened and that we needed a place to stay, by the time I got home I knew that there was no turning back, no second chances this thing was done, and God would just have to forgive me of my sin, because I couldn’t stay here.

When we walked in the house he was all up in my face calling me every name in the book saying, “You’re lucky you left when you did, you f*#cking Bi*%h, I just finished basic training and my first instinct was to kill you!” I just walked past him, and I put Khrystyne in her room and I told her to stay in her room until I came to get her and I closed the door. I turned around and said, “If you think you’ve got what it takes Mother F&%ker, bring it on!” he never moved a muscle, actually he looked like he was about to wet his pants and cry all at the same time. I told him that I was leaving him and taking the kids with me, and if he had a problem with that, it was too damn bad. I was standing in the door way of the kitchen and he knew if he had moved a muscle that I was going to turn around and grab those knives and cut his ass up. If he would have moved that night I would have killed him.

He just said, “OK, I’ll give you the money to get home, but I don’t want you here for Christmas, if you are going to leave and take the kids, I want you to leave before Christmas gets here, it’ll be too hard knowing that they are leaving.” So I called Greyhound and made some reservations and we left and never went back. He gave us $400.00 (for tickets and all) I packed one suitcase for the three of us he drove us to the bus station and waited with us until we boarded our bus; he was standing there watching us drive away. It was a little sad, because he was my first love and my children’s father, but I couldn’t stay. I couldn’t do that to my children.

We rode the bus for 19 hours, I held Courtney the whole way. My mother came to the bus station to pick us up and take us to her house for dinner before we went to stay with my sister. I bent over to change Courtney’s diaper and my back went out from the stress of holding her for so long. But it was worth it.

One year later I was standing on the steps of the courthouse after signing my divorce papers crying, it still hurt but I know in my heart that I did the right thing. I just wished that I had done it sooner and spared Khrystyne a life of hardships because of what she had to endure.

The 19th of this month will be 13 years since we boarded that bus, and the last time my ex-husband ever saw my children.

Thank God for a wonderful step-father, who stepped right in without missing a beat and has loved and cared for my oldest two children like they were his own without hesitation, and with no regrets.

So for any woman out there who thinks as long as he is not hitting my child he’s not hurting them. YOU’RE WRONG… He’s hurting them far more than you’ll ever know.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Sunny Days

Well I saw something yesterday that I had not seen in quite sometime; it brought a smile to my face because the encounters are so few and far between… The sun was out yesterday, and not a cloud in the sky. Truly it has been six weeks since we haven’t had a dreary gray day here in Indiana. Every year they put out a top 10 list for most depressed states and Indiana is always in the top ten, we also make it onto the top 10 list for Obesity as well. (I wonder why?) I literally had to hunt for my sunglasses so that I could drive home yesterday. It was still cold outside but who cares it was sunny.

I took Ricky out to lunch yesterday afternoon, and then we dropped by Rick’s work to bring him some lunch. He was sooo dirty, he’s a diesel mechanic so that’s just par for the course, but man he was dirty. I’m glad he takes a shower before coming home. After that we went over to Ange’s house to visit with her and the baby, and then we headed home. I guess I wore the little guy out because he was asleep before we made it to the interstate.

The girls came home form school, and I took Khrystyne up to a local pizza place for her very 1st interview, and may I say she is her mother’s daughter 1st interview ever and she gets hired. She starts her new job this Friday. She is so excited… As am I, because now all of the, “Mom, I need $20, I need $10, I need $45!” mom can say, “You have a job, pay for it yourself.” I initially didn’t realize that her newfound freedom would result in a (little) financial freedom for myself… YEAH!!

So here’s to Sunny Days and children taking their first steps towards becoming adults!!!

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

It's off to work I go!


Today I brought Ricky to work with me, it’s been an adventure so far but it’s been fun having him here. I only have to work ½ day today, because I have to work Saturday.

My step-dad’s brother passed away last week so he and my mother went to Kentucky for the funeral, and they got back late last night. His brother was 33 years old; he died of a brain aneurysm he wasn’t even sick. They had him on life support for a few days; they wanted to make sure that he was brain dead before taking him off of life support. I wasn’t sure they would be back from the funeral in time to watch Ricky today so I just made plans to bring him with me today.

He is playing with my Nextel calling Shirley; he doesn’t understand that he has to hold the button down while talking. But it’s sooo cute.

Well it’s taken me about an hour to type this up so I’d better go for now.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Weekend Photos

Shelby's first photo with Santa

Khrystyne and our worthless ass dog!!


Two Crazy Girls!!

Odds N Ends

You are supposed to bold all the things that you've done...

(In my opinion #68 is impossible.)

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula and then realized what it was and dropped it.
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said "I Love you" and meant it
09. Hugged a tree

10. Built your own PC from parts
11. Hit a home run
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby's diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger And didn't show up.
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Visited Paris
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gotten married
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gone scuba diving
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised child(ren)
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98. Had Cancer
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone's heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Had a snake as a pet
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Broken a bone
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one 'important' author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Bungee jumped
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone's life

Friday, December 01, 2006

I give up!


I’m guilty once again of reading everybody else’s blogs and neglecting my own. Some days I barley have time at work to do everything. I think I have finally relented to the fact that I have to get a home computer. I’ve been holding off all of these years because I don’t want my children contacted by some perv out there. Rick and I have discussed it and we are going to keep the computer downstairs where we can check up on what the kids are doing. I finally let the girls get a my space with the exception that they don’t give out their personal information, and they had to accept my mother as a friend so she can keep an eye on what they are putting out there. We’ve already had to make Courtney take off a couple of posts, but so far so good. They are only allowed to accept friends from school; if I can’t meet them they can’t add them. I know I’m a killjoy, but my 13 year old is not walking the halls of her school pregnant like some girls at her school are. Supervision people, that’s all I have to say.

The weather here is starting to turn NASTY!! We are supposed to get snow during rush hour this afternoon. YUCK!! I love a really good snow fall, but after we take the kids sledding, and have a snowball fight, it could just go away and not come back until next year for all I care. *Wishful Thinking* The winds knocked out my mothers power for about 2 hrs. she called me and said that after the lights went out she opened the front door to have a look and little Ricky was standing next to her and he said, “Is that a tormado, Grandma?” She said, “No that’s not a tormado.” Then they went inside and did some crafts. But seriously the wind is so strong my van was rocking from side to side, it looked like it was going to flip over. I’ll be glad when this weather system passes.

We live in a small town just outside of Indianapolis, and this weekend our community is having a Christmas festival. So I am taking the kids down tomorrow, they are going to have breakfast with Santa, a parade, and vendor booths set up all the way down the main street. It should be fun. If I remember, I’ll try to take some pictures to share next week.

I fell like a little kid anxious with excitement just waiting for Christmas. I really missed out on a lot of things last year, and I definitely want to make up for it now. Little Ricky and Breanna are still young enough where waiting is just driving them crazy. We got Ricky Monster Truck tickets to put in his stocking, and lucky for me Rick insisted that I go this year. (BOO) It’s so loud, and it’s held indoors so the fumes are horrendous, but I guess for the baby I’ll go. Khrys and Court don’t want to go, so we are just taking Ricky, Breanna, Rick, myself, and Uncle Charlie. Ricky is dying for him to come with us, so I bought him a ticket as well.

I’ve been thinking about Judy a lot lately, every time the phone rings I think it’s her… I miss her. Tears are welling up in my eyes right now just thinking about her. I know that she was my mother-in-law, but really she was so much more than that to me. She was my friend, and I loved her.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Styrofoam or not?



Watching smut T.V. last night (E.T. or Extra something like that) the story of Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson came on (she being clad in a string bikini).

Khrystyne: *gasps* Her boobs are huge!

Me: Duh!!! Their implants.

Khrystyne: They have a new implant now, it’s Styrofoam!!

Me: What?

Khrystyne: They have a new thing to do implants now, it’s Styrofoam!!

Me: Styrofoam?? Are you sure? What are they going to put two big Styrofoam balls into a woman’s chest?

Khrystyne: UGH!! No they have a way to put it in you as a liquid form.

Me: Are you sure? If it were to rupture something like Styrofoam would kill you once it’s in your blood stream.

Khrystyne: Yes, I’m sure, Katie’s friend had a boob job and that is what they used.

(Me laughing hysterically)

Rick: (coming down the stairs) What are you talking about?

(Me recounting the whole conversation; Rick laughing hysterically, Khrystyne headed for the stairs because she is done with this conversation.)

Me: Khrystyne, are you sure you don’t mean silicone?

Khrystyne: (red in the face) Oh yeah! That’s it… (running upstairs)

HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER FOR 10 MINUTES!!!!

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Caught Red Handed




We put up our Christmas tree over the weekend, and last night we found the kids doing this… Ricky was hiding Breanna’s presents inside of the tree; he kept telling her to close her eyes. (How cute!)

Not a whole lot has been going on here, just getting Christmas cards together, and getting some things set up for the holiday season. Our boss asked us today if we minded if he put up a Nativity scene in his office (not wanting to offend anyone), so of course we didn’t care so he’ll be putting it up tomorrow.

I LOVE the Christmas season!!!

Friday, November 24, 2006

Things that I'm thankful for...

Ricky & his Uncle Charlie
Ricky & cousins hiding.
Granny and some of the food!!!
I didn’t have access to a computer yesterday but I wanted to list some of the things for which I a thankful for.

I’m thankful that God has allowed me to be here one more year. I’m thankful that so many prayers were heard last year, and I have been allowed to get one more year older, and was able to spend one more year with my family. I am thankful that I was fortunate enough to be by Judy’s side when she lost her battle with cancer, and that I was by my husbands’ side when he lost his mother. I am so thankful that I have four beautiful children who I fought so hard to be here for, and that every day since my diagnoses they have had the opportunity to have their mother in their lives, and they were spared the heartbreak of losing their mother at such a young age. I’m thankful for a husband who adores me, and would do absolutely anything in this world for me.
I’m thankful for my family, even though they sometimes drive me nuts; I know that they would always be there for me no matter what. I’m thankful for my friends especially Ange, and I am so thankful to God that I was able to be there the night Shelby was born. I’m thankful for the everyday things, that my husband and I both have jobs, that we have a nice house, food on the table, clothes on our backs, and Love in our hearts.

I’m also thankful for the strangers that came out of the woodwork last year, people that we did not even know would drop dinners off for Rick and the kids while I was in the hospital, they offered to help with the kids if we ever needed them too. They brought us groceries, and strangers even bought our kids Christmas last year. I just hope that someday we will be able to give back what was so freely given to us.

Most importantly (and trust me I know this is weird), but I am so thankful for people who donate their blood. I lost count of all of the blood transfusions that I had last year, but at last count I was at 60 blood transfusions. I can honestly say after that experience I am truly sorry that I had never done my civic duty and donated blood. It could have benefited so many people, and now that I know how important it is I’m no longer able to donate, because I’ve had cancer of the blood I’ll never be allowed to donate blood. Last month my husband’s work had a blood drive and he thought back to me having all of those transfusions, so he stood in line to donate, only to be told that he could not (because he lived in Germany in the Army during the years of the mad cow disease so he was not allowed to give blood) he was so disappointed. So I’m asking anyone who reads this blog to become a regular blood donor it is so important. And for everyone who already gives their time, and blood; from a mother of four, and a cancer survivor, THANK YOU.

*********************************************************
Well we made it through our first Thanksgiving since Judy had passed. It was a little rough at times, Rick was very shaken (and cried) a few times, but he did really well. We went to Granny’s house first the menu was as follows:

Turkey
Ham
Mashed Potato’s
Stuffing
Gravy
Green Beans (canned from the garden YUM!)
Corn (the same as Green Beans)
Cole Slaw (Homemade)
Deviled Eggs
Cranberry Sauce
Baked Beans
Potato Salad
Chicken & Dumplings
Rolls with butter
8-9 pies
3-4 cakes
Fudge (peanut butter & chocolate)
Homemade Candies

We will just say here and now there was no room left in our stomachs after we left her house.

Little Ricky got to hang out with his cousins, and his Uncle Charlie (he loves that guy). He really likes hanging out with his cousins because he is the only boy at our house, and he is not yet in school, so he had a blast. The girls all had fun yesterday, except for Khrystyne she was pretty sick all day, I gave her some Nyquil and sent her to bed when we finally went home, but I checked on her at midnight and she was burning up with fever so I gave her some medicine and took her temperature it was 101, not too bad but still enough to make you feel like shit. She was better this morning.

After we left Granny’s we went to my step-dad’s family dinner, they were just starting to eat when we got there and they kept saying get yourself something to eat!! We were already stuffed, so we stayed outside for a while shooting B-ball. Then we were talked into getting some food. Let’s just say no one can cook like Granny, and we’ll leave it at that.

I had made Jim (Judy’s boyfriend) a plate when we were at Granny’s so we took that down to him, he was really happy to see the kids. He really misses Judy… He started talking about how much he really missed her, and Rick had to walk out he had started crying again. But that is to be expected. It is going to take awhile.

On the way home we stopped and rented some movies, not really thinking that Gray’s Anatomy was on last night… and you know I can’t miss that. Oh well at least we’ll have some movies to watch this weekend.

I had to work today, it’s the first day after Thanksgiving that I’ve had to work in five years, it is soooo boring, and it made me miss out on Black Friday. Last year I missed it because I was in the hospital being treated for Leukemia, but the year before that we hit a huge sale at Target, and got almost two carts FULL of stuff for $300.00. Which believe it or not that’s a really good deal.

I hope all of you had a nice Thanksgiving, and I hope that you took a few minutes out of your day to think about what it is that you have to be thankful for.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

A Different Christmas Poem


The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.
Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
Transforming the yard to a winter delight.

The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,
Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.
My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.

The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,
But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.
Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know, Then the
sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.
My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
And I crept to the door just to see who was near.
Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.

A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,
Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
Standing watch over me, my wife and my child.
"What are you doing?" I asked without fear,
"Come in this moment, it's freezing out here!
Put down your pack; brush the snow from your sleeve,
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"

For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts...
To the window that danced with a warm fire's light
Then he sighed and he said "It’s really all right,
I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night. It's my duty
to stand at the front of the line,
That separates you from the darkest of times."

"No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.
My Gramps died at 'Pearl on a day in December,"
Then he sighed, "That's a Christmas 'Gram always remembers.
My dad stood his watch in the jungles of 'Nam',
And now it is my turn and so, here I am.
I've not seen my own son in more than a while,
But my wife sends me pictures; he's sure got her smile."

Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red, white, and blue... an American flag.
"I can live through the cold and the being alone,
Away from my family, my house and my home.
I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.
I can carry the weight of killing another,
Or lay down my life with my sister and brother...
Who stand at the front against any and all.
To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall."

"So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright,
Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."
"But isn't there something I can do, at the least,
Give you money," I asked, "or prepare you a feast?
It seems all too little for all that you've done,
For being away from your wife and your son."

Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
"Just tell us you love us, and never forget.
To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone,
To stand your own watch, no matter how long.
For when we come home, either standing or dead,
To know you remember we fought and we bled.
Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us."

Monday, November 20, 2006

Weekend Update

Breanna & Shelby (& Ricky)
My Buddy (Courtney & Angel)
Shelby

Well there was never a dull moment this weekend. Khrystyne had a friend stay the night (what was supposed to be Friday night, but ended up being all weekend). Courtney’s friend Angel was supposed to stay on Friday, but a show was on that she wanted to watch so I ended up taking Courtney out to her house, so Ange brought them back to my house on Saturday, and picked Angel up on Sunday. So my house was kid central all weekend long. Oh also on Saturday night Khrystyne and Amanda wanted to go all the way out to Greenwood to the Asylum House (haunted house) to play shadow tag. To say the least I did not want to drive them all the way out there at 8pm and go back up to pick them up at 11pm. We worked it out to where I dropped them off at a friend’s house that was also going, and then when they got back I picked them up from their friend’s house.

My boss at work handed out Turkey’s to everyone last Friday, and I was planning to cook it up on Sunday. Because we are making all of the rounds on Thanksgiving Day, so I won’t need to cook. Rick had a turkey dinner at work on Thursday, and Friday so he said, “No, don’t make that, I’m going to be sick of turkey by next Thursday.” So I wasn’t going to make it, I was just going to fix it next weekend. Then Sunday about 10:00 he says, “Aren’t you going to start that Turkey?” UGGH!! I told him that he said not to make it, but of course now he wanted it. So I had to hurry up and thaw out the turkey the rest of the way, and get dinner started. I gained four pounds yesterday, but it was sooo good. I have to hurry up and lose that weight before this Thursday so I can gain it back again. The fat woman’s diet, you’ve got to love it.

I get to leave work at 1 today, Yeah!! Maybe we’ll try to get in some Christmas shopping.

My mother called me yesterday to let me in on her Christmas plans this year. We have to be at her house by 1pm on Christmas Eve, she has invited My family (6 people), my sister and her family (6 people), my aunt Bonnie and her family (3 people), my aunt Jenise, my cousin Ashley and her kids (3 maybe 4 people depending on if she has her baby by then), my aunt Robin and her son, and my mom and her husband. So in total 23-24 people will be at my mothers house, now I’m here to tell you this house she just moved into is so small that it might be 950-1000 sq ft total so it is very small to say the least and defiantly not big enough for that many people. So I may have to call off or something because I hate being that crowded.

Friday, November 17, 2006

Children, How we love thee.

Angel & Shelby
Two Crazy girls... Angel & Courtney

The other night I was on my way to the kitchen and Rick said, “When you come back bring the Tums with you.” Well I was going to be awhile (laundry etc…) so I pulled the Tums out of the cabinet and chucked them over the half wall at him. Well I had just changed my centerpiece on the coffee table and I had a very tall candle so the bottle of Tums bounced off of the candle smacked into the wall popped off the lid and sent Tums flying everywhere. (OOOPS!) Rick was covering his head in a shower of Tums. In between hysterical laughter I went back into the living room to help pick up hundreds of pieces of Tums, Rick says, “I think some Tums went up my ass.” To which I replied, “Those are the ones you’ll be eating, don’t put them back in the bottle.” (BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!)

I went to Ange’s house last night for a Mary Kay party, not a lot of people showed up but I really had a good time. Courtney came with me, because I had to leave work early to take her to the doctor’s which is another story, but Ange has a daughter just a little younger than Courtney so they entertained each other. Her little baby is sooo cute. I’m still just so excited for her.

On my way home last night I called Rick to let him know that I was coming home, and he said that Ricky was laying on the couch waiting for me. I said his bed time is 8 o’clock why don’t you just put him to bed. To which Rick replied he wants to see you, and he started crying “With Real Tears and Everything!” To which I replied, “As opposed to fake tears, you know he’s got your number buddy.” He said yeah I know I’m a sucker. So anyways when I got home Rick said that Ricky was sleeping on the couch when I walked into the living room like he sensed me or something he rolled over; looked straight at me, and said mommy will you go lay down with me. So I took him upstairs and laid down with him and by then he was wide awake and wanted to tell me about his whole day, so almost and hour later I got to go back downstairs.

Courtney stayed home from school yesterday; she was pale and had not been feeling well all this week. So I sent her to my mothers. Well my mom called me at work and said that Courtney had told her that her head has been hurting all week; she has been really tired, and very thirsty. My mother is a diabetic so she immediately took out her kit to test Courtney’s blood sugar, which read 309… So I hung up from her and called Courtney’s doctor and made her an appointment. I had to go talk to my boss to let him know that I needed to leave, this right after a meeting on attendance, but of course he understood and I left to go take her to the doctors, Dr Smith asked her a few questions, some more family history questions, he looked her over, and then he sent us to Saint Francis Hospital to have some blood work done. So we should know this afternoon if my 13 year old daughter had diabetes. UGGH!
Update:
I just got a call from Dr Smith's office, and she is not diabetic... Thank God.

Khrystyne was is some serious hot water on Wednesday night when me & my husband came home from work, to find some teenage girls in the house that we didn’t know were there. I had Rick take the girls home; Courtney took the babies upstairs to watch cars in my bedroom, and then me and Khrystyne had it out right then and there. Let’s just say that from now on when my mother comes over to pick up Breanna after school; that she will also be picking up two teenage girls as well.

Breanna finished up her prednisone yesterday, but it didn’t do anything for her asthma at all. If anything she is raspier than last week. I’ll have to take her back to the doctors on Monday. That and she now has yet another loose tooth. This time it is one on the top; by the time Christmas gets here she will have lost all four front teeth. Christmas pictures this year will be put away for blackmail in the future.

I have found an extreme amount of joy in embarrassing my older two children any time the opportunity presents itself. When Khrystyne first started wearing bras we walked into the department store and I said in a very loud voice, Khrys we need to look at bras while we’re here. She immediately took off running down the aisle trying to put as much distance between herself and me that she possibly could. So of course I had to repeat myself even louder than before, I had never in my life seen someone turn three shades of red, but man how funny. Since then I have found an extreme amount of joy at attempting to get even with them for all of the times they have ever thrown fits in the middle of the store, said embarrassing things in front of people, or just simply ever crossed me.

For example: (this really wasn’t her fault, but then again it was) One year on Easter Sunday we had of course made all of the rounds with our families, and the kids all day long ate, & ate, & ate, regular food as well as candy, and hard boiled eggs. (First off who was the person who said, “Let’s have a holiday were we feed our kids chocolate and eggs all day long?”) I had told Khrystyne to stop eating candy way early in the day but every time I would walk out side or into another room she would be eating. After we left Rick’s grandmothers house we decided to go to Wal-Mart to pick up a few things. In the main isle where the butter, cheese and meat were at Khrystyne says, “I think I’m going to be sick!” no sooner than she said that; she threw up everywhere. Rick was standing there completely grossed out, and I did what any mother would do… I walked away as fast as my legs could carry me, yelling over my shoulder, “I’m going to go find someone to clean that up.” Rick was standing behind me yelling, “UH UUH, get back here!” but by then I was out of sight. That girl had thrown up practically whole eggs, (I swear she never chews up her food) it was sooo gross. By the time I got back someone was already sectioning off the area to be cleaned, and I took Khrystyne to the bathroom to clean up her shoes, we ended up throwing her pantyhose away in the bathroom. But how embarrassing is that? Like I said I have a lot of catching up to do.

Anyways I hope you’ve enjoyed some of my memories today, have a good weekend.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Plans for the holiday season

Breanna with her baby
Courtney & Rick
Ricky learning how to drive

Not a whole lot has been going on lately, just getting ready for Thanksgiving next week. After everything that had happened with Rick’s family we were sure that we would not be going to his families house for Thanksgiving, so I made plans to go to my family’s for Thanksgiving, now we have two places lined up for next Thursday. At least we won’t have time to get bored, we’ll go to his grandmothers at 1pm, and we’ll be at my mothers’ family by 3pm, and then hopefully we can be home by 5pm.

For Christmas this year we are just going to keep it simple. Mothers on Christmas Eve (as usual) and we are just staying home on Christmas day. Rick’s sister and family will probably come over. We used to have quite a few of Rick’s family members over for Christmas, but not this year. It’s going to be rough on Rick and Shannon being the first Christmas since their mother has passed. So like I said, we are just going to keep it simple.

My friend is having a Mary Kay party tomorrow night, so I’ll get a partial night off from Rick and the kids. Every once in a while it’s good to take a minute or two for yourself.

They are going to start cracking down on sick days at work, so I guess unless I’m half dead I’ll need to make sure my butt is here. They’ve been pretty understanding about my cancer and the pain that came from chemo, but one person had to go and ruin it for everyone else. Ah well it was good while it lasted.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Weekend update

Khrystyne learning how to pump gas
Ange & Shelby
Ricky at Chuck E Cheese

Well, I survived the party, but man was I ever ready to leave. Rick showed up and because they weren't serving any food he was ready to leave right away.



We took the kids to Chuck E Cheese this weekend, and they all had a good time (even the older two). I took some cute pictures while we were there.



I visited Ange and Shelby she is already getting so big.



Well I'll post more tomorrow, I'm not really in the mood to write at the moment.



Later

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Family UGGH!!!

William 2yrs old


I'm currently at my mothers house, my sister is having a birthday party for her two year old son. Can I please say that my sister has never been on time for anything in her life? I have been here for one hour and she is just now starting with GAMES!! She invited some people from her church which she failed to mention (to me and my mother), she had asked mom if she could have the party at her house I'm sure so that she didn't have to clean her own. The people that she invited all have one or more children under the age of two, and they are crying... I am so ready to blow this place. The are in there playing pin the tail on the donkey with kids that can barley walk, they tried putting a blindfold on one of the kids and they started wailing.

Well I'd better get back to the activities, I'll post an update on Monday...

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Just one night, Please... SLEEP

Ricky with a milk mustache


12:31 am 12:31 am 12:31 am 12:31 am 12:31 am 12:31 am

"Mommy"

(I opened my eyes under a sleepy haze; I look up to see sad puppy dog eyes)

"Do you want me to lie down with you in your bed?"

"YEP!" (Spinning around on one heel and running towards his room)

*Moan* try to walk, lose footing, stumble into wall, bounce off of door. *Moan* Get into bed with my son… 2.2 seconds later he is sound asleep (no joke). Wait 15 minutes to make sure, arm throbbing, head hurting, go back to bed 12:48 am…1:02…1:20… 2:10… 3:07… 4:45… NEVER GOING BACK TO SLEEP… 5:11 a.m. alarm going off, time to wake up the kids. Wanting to change my mind about making him sleep in his own room, but I’m soooo close I can’t give up now.

Getting ready to leave for work this morning, I called mother, “Did you say that Breanna and Ricky can stay the night?” (I know she said next week, but decided to try my luck) “MMMM, well, yeah go ahead; they can stay tonight.”

Running to bedroom to pack two small suitcases before I leave for work; I was brought up where you don’t have to tell me twice!!

I will sleep tonight.
*SMILES* *SMILES*

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Road to Freedom


Ricky & Breanna
BLAAA!

I’ve been coming down with something again. Who knows what, but it is starting to kick my butt. I’ve noticed since chemo treatments that whenever I start to get sick I’m treated to a preview several days in advance, and then wham I can hardly hold my head up. Hopefully it won’t stick around for long this time.

We have been trying to talk little Ricky into sleeping in his own bed, up until this week it was hit or miss. If he was asleep when we went up for bed, we would deposit him onto his bed on our way to bed, but if he was awake NO CAN DO! I finally came to my limit with the way this was going, so I’ve started making him go to bed when Breanna goes to bed, most of the time we have to read him a book and stay with him until he falls asleep. Which I won’t mind doing for a week or so until he gets comfortable going to bed on his own. But man does it ever feel good to have a bed to ourselves now. Ricky is 4 ½ years old so he is not small by any means, and he likes to lay sideways so either his head or his feet were always in my back.

Last night I went to pick Khrystyne up from one of her friend’s house, and I told Rick when I left to put Breanna and Ricky to bed while I was gone. When I got home he was just coming downstairs and the older two went on up to bed. Rick and I were sitting in the living room (peace and quit for once) and he looked over at me pouting and said, “I miss Ricky, this is our time with him when everyone else is asleep!” to which I responded, “Too bad, you’ll get over it.” And went back to watching T.V.

Ricky is our youngest, and our most spoiled. I had Khrystyne and Courtney sleeping in their own beds at six weeks old, through the night. Breanna was a couple of years old when we moved her bed into her own room (due to a very scary staircase, but at least she was sleeping in her own bed). Ricky still gets up in the middle of the night, at almost five years old; he is seriously wearing me out. When he goes to bed on his own he usually sleeps through the night, so I would think that Rick would welcome this, since he is always complaining about Ricky sleeping in between us.

Ricky came into my room around 3:30 this morning, and woke me up. I just assumed that he was getting in bed with us so I just went back to sleep. A few minutes later he woke me up again, and said, “Mommy I want you to come to my bed.” So I went to his room and laid down with him, he was sound asleep in five minutes. So I got back up and went to bed and he didn’t wake up again. This was definitely a first, because he has never asked for that before. (Yeah!)

I’m on my way to freedom… Now if I could just get rid of that thing in my bed that snores and farts all night long… Ah well, baby steps, baby steps.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Lazy Saturday


Courtney and Ricky (How cute)


This past weekend was pretty non-eventful. I spent the whole day Saturday in bed, the older two girls kept an eye on the younger two until their dad came home, I was with them off and on for most of the morning, but as soon as he came home it was right back to bed. Where I was followed by Rick, Courtney, Khrystyne, Breanna, and Ricky, so we decided to put in a movie; Rick and the younger two were asleep before 8pm. (I was still wiped out from last Saturday, so I took the day off) I even ordered pizza for dinner, and I don’t feel guilty about it one bit.

By Sunday morning though my body hurt from being so lazy, so I got up at 6am did the grocery shopping, came home started putting the groceries away when I was informed by one of my daughters that we were out of trash bags, and my 4 year old son just knew that I was going to bring him something home from the store, and was looking in every bag that I brought in finally asked me with sad puppy dog eyes, “Mommy, What did you get me?” I answered, “Bananas” and the pout was on. He said, “I thought you were going to get me carrots and the bean.” (That is how he pronounces Pirates of the Caribbean.) So while they finished putting away the groceries I ran down to CVS to get some trash bags and found a Pirates of the Caribbean play set, and a little white kitten with big eyes for Breanna, the older two are too old for toys so I just got them some gum. Oh the rewards of getting older…

I remember when I graduated from High School, (don’t judge) but I was six months pregnant with Khrystyne, and I was so excited to be done with school. My mother brought gifts to me from both of my grandmothers, my dad’s mother sent me a maternity dress, shorts, and shirts, and my mom’s mother sent me a set of medical books for quick reference (that I still use) for my graduation gifts. To say the least I was very disappointed, I even mentioned it to my grandmother on my mom’s side to which I was informed, “You are going to be a mother, it’s not about you anymore, it’s all about that baby so deal with it.” Thanks for the advice grandma, you were very right, but dinner would that have been too much to ask for? I was eating for two you know.

No, I’m just kidding my grandmother passed away two years after Khrystyne was born, and just one month before Courtney was born, her death has been the hardest for me to deal with to date, she wasn’t even sick, she went to the hospital with a stomach ache, and she had multiple heart failures on her way down for a routine test. She never came out of that hospital alive. I even found myself at her door more than a year later, wanting to share some exciting news, and on my way up to her door I was wondering, “When did grandma change her curtains?” and then it hit me all over again that she was gone. I found myself in a similar place a couple of weeks back, the phone started ringing and I almost yelled out to my husband, “It’s your mother.” Because she’d call us all of the time, it was something we’d always say when the phone rang. Thankfully I caught myself.

I got a phone call from Granny last Friday; she wanted to know if we were coming to her house for Thanksgiving. I told her that I wasn’t sure what we were doing yet, because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. But she kept going on and on, so finally I was up front with her and told her that we probably would not be there because of Barb; that Rick would not be able to be in the same room with that woman. To which Granny replied, “Oh, no Barb is not going to be here she is having dinner for her own family at her house.” So I told her that I would talk to Rick and get back with her. I called Rick, and he was hesitant to say the least (Granny hurt him too) but he said we could go, and hopefully they will be able to put some of this behind them. I called her back and she sounded very excited she went on and on about who was coming in. I hope he finds it in his heart to forgive her, I know that he would never forgive himself if something was to happen to her before they could make peace over what happened after his mother passed away.

Anyways I kind of got off track, when I got back from CVS I made breakfast, did 8 loads of laundry, took the Halloween decorations back over to my bosses house came home made dinner, was informed by Khrystyne that they were out of toothpaste (UGGHH, I went to the store twice people), then we watched Desperate Housewives, and Brothers and Sisters. So I guess I made up for some of my laziness on Saturday, but it was nice to finally allow myself a break.

Friday, November 03, 2006

I would never make it as the tooth fairy…

She would make a much better Tooth Fairy...


I Love Beta Blogger!!! I was a little nervous about changing over at first, but wow what a difference… Actually I wasn’t even thinking about changing over but I was having some problems getting the Halloween pictures to upload, so I thought what the heck, and it could not have been more simpler.

I would never make it as the tooth fairy… Yesterday my daughter lost her second tooth at school, and on the way home she really lost it on the bus. My mother called me at work and said that Breanna was crying and upset because she thought she wouldn’t get her money. So I told my mom to have her write the tooth fairy a letter and we would put that under her pillow, it was the cutest letter ever, and she even gave the tooth fairy the bus number that she lost it on… Well I just got off of the phone with my mother, and she said that apparently the tooth fairy forgot our house last night!!! OOOPS!! I can’t even begin to tell you how bad I feel right now. So we made up a story, and I called the house and told the girls to get her letter and put two dollars under her pillow, we are going to tell her that sometimes the tooth fairy runs late if a lot of children loose their teeth on the same day… She is my third child people the new has already worn off of this tooth fairy thing with me. No, not really I just fell asleep on the couch last night watching T.V. and I totally forgot about it. I’m blaming it on Chemo brain.

Well I’m at work by myself today Shirley is on vacation, so I’d better get back to work. Have a great weekend.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Amber Alert: Cancelled...


The past couple of days we’ve had an Amber Alert in our state for 16 year old Stephanie Wagner, today sadly she was found in a cornfield just six miles from her home. They have already made an arrest in her case 51 year old Danny Rouse who just this year had been paroled for “MURDER”. Stephanie went missing after work on Halloween night, and almost immediately they focused on this individual. He worked at the same restaurant that Stephanie worked at, and had worked there for all of two whole weeks. Danny in his infinite wisdom showed up for work on Wednesday where he was taken into custody.

Now over the past two days we were told that she was missing, and they gave a name and description of the person they believed to be involved and that she was in grave danger. The thing that they did not tell us was that on October 29, 1979 he murdered a child and left his mother for dead, after she rejected his advances he told her that he would leave if she would give him another beer, on her way to the kitchen he came up behind her and stabbed her multiple times until she pretended to be dead and fell limp to the floor at which time he went into her 5 year old son’s bedroom and cut his throat. He was sentenced to 3 life sentences. But for some reason the Kansas Parole Board decided this year that he had served his time and he was released on parole, and somehow he managed to make his was to the state of Indiana. Gene Isaacs, Cass County Sheriff stated, “We had no idea he was in our community… We had no idea in our county that he was in the area; I don’t even think we knew this person existed.” So almost 27 years to the day he murdered yet another child. She was the same age as my oldest child…

One: Was this man not on parole?

Two: Can they not keep better tabs on a convicted child murder?

Three: Where are our rights? The rights of the innocent law abiding citizens who are raising our families, and trying to be productive citizens.

Here is a post from the father of the little boy (who’s name is Jason by the way), it is a copy of a letter that he sent to the parole board on many occasions. http://grandnarratives.blogspot.com/2006/04/system-failure.html This monster was up for parole every three years. Leaving this poor family to live through their nightmare over and over again. They were even sent a letter from the district attorney stating, "Inmate Rouse is currently housed at the Lansing Penitentiary. It is my understanding that while his parole elegibility date is October, 1997 [and every three years thereafter], it is not likely that with three life sentences that he will be released." Could you even imagine Jason's family getting the letter notifying them that Danny Rouse had been paroled? (Because you know the Kansas parole board did not tell them in person) I would hate to be the parole boards’ conscience right about now. You know that they will look at criminals in a completely different light from here on out, and if they don’t shame on them.

In a heart wrenching post by Jason’s father, he goes back and shares some memories of his deceased son. http://grandnarratives.blogspot.com/2006/03/blood-of-children.html
Could you even imagine the heartbreak this family is feeling all over again? The anger that Stephanie Faye Wagner’s family must be feeling right now? All I can say is I am glad that I live in a state where the death penalty is still allowed. People like this should definitely never; never be allowed to see the light of day again. EVER.

Rest in Peace Stephanie. We will all be praying for your family during this difficult time…

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

What the hell was I thinking????

The 1st wave of kids...


Khrystyne & Katie


What the hell was I thinking????

That’s what I kept asking myself all night long!! I did all of the shopping on Friday and started laundry, and did some cleaning. On Saturday I finished cleaning, cooked, and decorated. Within ten minutes of all of the kids arriving you couldn’t even tell that I had cleaned.

Khrystyne had asked me last week if I could print off some extra invitations because she had lost some of them. So I did. Let’s just say that she is a big fat liar!! I told her that she could invite 40 kids over, there were defiantly more than that. They tracked mud in on my carpet, spilt pop on my carpet, so I finally sent them all out to the garage, or by the fire pit in the back yard. One of Khrys’ friends burned her a CD with dance music, and I heard more than one kid say that it was rave music, and let me tell you they all thought that they were actually at a rave. I have never seen so many kids dancing so nasty in my life, I was sick as a dog by Saturday night because I really over did it trying to get everything bought and set up, I almost passed out several times. So I sent my sister Holly out to supervise. Let’s just say she needed someone out there to supervise her, because more than once I would go out there and see kids making out, she would be dancing with the kids, she was pretty much toast herself. So I told Rick that I was not up to it but that he would have to check up on them every once in awhile. So he would coming running in the house saying, “you should see how your daughter is out there dancing” (notice how she is my daughter when it is something that he disapproves of) then he would go out to the garage and turn on a really bright spot light and shine it on all of the kids, he would come running back into the house laughing say how when he did this they would scatter like cockroaches. Towards the end of the night when he would turn the light on they would all yell and boo.

After most of the kids came, a whole group of kids showed up, and in less than two minutes later another kid pulled up in his car and one of the girls (Ava) from the group ran out and jumped onto the hood of his car she put a huge dent in the hood of the car and tore off the emblem. (Honestly I was not even aware that this group had even showed up) So I got Khrystyne in the house and told her that if they did not settle down right now I was going to make them all go home. She went out and told Ava and her group of friends, and they said that her party was boring anyways and they left. THANK GOD! (I’ve heard many things about this girl, and to say the least I am not a fan)

All in all though it wasn’t too bad; just a bunch of 16-18 year olds trying to have a good time. (With a lot of restrictions:)

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

13 Random Facts About Me.


  1. I have four kids
  2. I really do love my husband; I don’t even want to imagine my life without him.
  3. I HATE CANCER!
  4. I have one friend, that I consider my only friend and I love her more than my own two sisters. (Love ya Ange)
  5. I love to laugh.
  6. I don’t allow things to stress me out. PERIOD… it can bother me in the moment, but a few days later I’ll completely forget about it. (With a few exceptions, Barb the Bitch)
  7. I haven’t spoken to my family on my mothers or fathers side (aunts, uncles etc…) in 17 years, because I don’t want to deal with their drama. With exception of the occasional run in, but I definitely don’t go out of my way. And I’m happy with that.
  8. I love season changes in Indiana, all of the colors, smells, etc… but I hate living here.
  9. I had a dog named Momo when I was a kid; we named him after Moe from The Three Stooges. I loved that dog.
  10. I hate scary movies. Asking me to watch is just a waste of time.
  11. I almost died last year, and I try not to go a day without thanking God for allowing me to spend this time with my husband and children, I was even grateful that I was able to take care of my mother-in-law while she was dying.
  12. It breaks my heart to see my children cry.
  13. I love hot coco on a cold day.